13 December, 2015 - John Lennon and Yoko Ono

I got curious about John Lennon and his love for his wife this weekend. He was assassinated on the 8th Dec 1980 and Yoko saw him fell down onto the floor after getting shot. Five shots, to be exact. He was 40 when he died, the moment a famous person died uneventfully, he/she is almost immediately immortalised. Which is strange because people die all the time, everyday.

He was part of the Beatles and they were one big band back in those days. The Beatles fans didn't like Yoko because they thought she broke up the band. But I think he was the one who was obsessed with her. He brought her everywhere and he constantly wants her by his side.  Plus, he was as asshole. I read somewhere that he made fun of disabled people and dig at his fellow band mates whenever possible.

Anyways..why do most artistic people have warped characters?

Let it be..let it be, let it be oh let it be..  Let it go, let it go...OOPS

9 December 2015 - Mid life crisis?

40 is a big number to me where i am now.  It's mid life if i live up to 80. And if i don't, i do not have many years 10 years left.

What memories did i create for myself in my teens, 20s and 30s? I spent most of my early 20s working with 2 bitches, Cecilia and Catherine. And a horny bastard. But no regrets, else i wouldn't have been exposed to the colourful world of doing business in China. It is addictive, if one has no self control. And of cos dating with my then boyfriend. Boyfriend sounds like a younger word than husband. Saving up to buy our own place and our own car. Having a job meant having money to spend on drinking, eating and making myself look "nerd free". A job was just that, a money making machine to finance my "live in the moment' type of life. 

30s was discovering and accepting that I'm just that. Dad died from cancer. Family ties. Motherhood. Love. Miscarriages. Weddings. Birth. Death. Cancer. People can actually just drop dead on any other day. These are some major events, i didn't mention the many happiness that i have. Maybe if i mention it, devil would read it because he is hovering above my laptop floating around. He might think this girl has too much happiness on her plate and he will come and kill, steal and destroy. F**k devil.

40-ing soon. No more babies. No one understands how i feel. I hate to hear "aiya bla bla bla"

This is a bad entry, it's all over the place. The thoughts are all in my head but i can't express them out in order. Properly. And I'm feeling weird now, that's for sure. 

If i have a choice, i would pack my bags and go London to get away from it all..oh with Jfk and Sam. I do not even know what is that "all". Or the easier alternative is to hole up at home and hide for a week or 2. At least there is lower risk of me getting killed by terrorists while travelling. Is this better than choosing a mask to wear everyday? A happy mask, a happier mask, a talkative mask, a friendly mask, a oh-i-am-so-excited mask, a nice and sweet mask. There are many people i wish i can throw a plate of spaghetti over their head, spicy ones like Aglio Olio so that their eyes will sting from chilli or pepper but i act smiley smiley and maintain a cordial front. I am so bloody fake.

Small... i am.

Oh how i love the Beatles. And everything British.