One can do a hundred right things and one single mistake is good enough to erase all the right things that one ever did. The is the harsh reality of life. A brilliant doctor can perform a thousand and one successful operations and all it takes is one single mistake to fall from grace. Of cos using the analogy of a doctor is quite far fetched because we are talking about life and death..afterall.
I am grateful for work, it gives me meaning in a small sort of way. It makes me feel useful to have a place to go to when i wake up in the morning and the best time of the day in the office. But is this work giving my life meaning?
I start clearing my work at 7.30am, working through lunch and then stayed back at work until 8pm in the evening, sometimes 9pm.. 10pm even. There were a few Saturdays and Sundays that i went back to work as well. Because i am still using a desktop! No one knew. I work silently, just to stay on top of work. Things got worst from February until now. I am a fast worker and i believe i am efficient and effective. But since ADI de-franchised the other global disty, and Altera de-franchised the other global disty in Europe, my workload seemed to have increased three times. It is not difficult work but "bulky".
Edwin seemed to think i am not working strategically. "It's not about the number of hours you put in. You need to work strategically." I was speechless when i heard that. It is a vicious cycle indeed. If i don't put in extra hours to plough through this increased in workload, there will be escalations like such as "why is the mso so slow.\" etc etc. I put in the extra hours and got greeted with "if you want to take it all upon yourself, then suck it up and don't complain." I wasn't even complaining. He once said Sarah is overloaded, Heidi does not have it easy etc etc, it seems.. everyone is having a hard time at work but me. I have a "good and easy life". It is tiring to be strong and taken for granted.
Weary. Grateful still. But weary. I am looking for a way out. If i am not happy anymore, i should get out of my comfort zone. Go out there and dabble in something else. At least he was right about one thing. If people kept complaining about the company and yet still chose to stay, it can only mean it is not the worst. The worst is yet to be haha
Monday, June 5, 2017
Sunday, January 15, 2017
15 Jan 2016 - Think like a lawyer
I am watching a Hong Kong drama about lawyers. This is an interesting serial. The characters argue the cases from all angles. Words are very important indeed. An open mind and the ability to see a problem from all angles is necessary.
Alex Fung is a good actor, and a very charismatic one. It got me thinking about how the mind of a lawyer works.
I do not know why the friendship between Edwin and me seems distant recently. I respect the fact that he is now my boss and i know there are certain boundaries that i must not cross. I will not make use of this friendship to get special treatments or gather extra information. In fact, i made a decision when he was assigned to lead this team, to help him settle in as quickly as possible with the team and help him gain their trust. Because i truly have trust and faith in this person.
Dec, 2015. I took leave in the last week of Dec and first three days of Jan 2016. That was when Samuel transit into primary school. I remember we had a conflict and we were not really talking. Siyun noticed that i was avoiding him and asked me why. I didn't tell her anything because i know by now that she will make use of conflicts to her advantage. I hold on to the belief that she didn't mean it. Because i truly believe in the good of human beings. But she persisted to tell me "i feel you do not have to listen or help Edwin, he is so harsh on you because he knows you won't desert him. He is smart but "i forgot the word" so he will always give chances to even people like Jenny Goh". And most recently, she told me deliberately, "wah, look at the way you colour, how can you be a mother" the moment Edwin is in the meeting room. I was angry. Angry because she has no right to question me being a mother. And angry because she actually said that to show she is on the same wavelength as Edwin. She has heard Edwin asked how can a person like Serene be a mother. To make use of a friend to gain favour from your boss is despicable. And then, she told others that it's easy to fish information from me. Which is ridiculous. I have seen and heard from herself how she manipulate Serene with Heng Chuan. I'm shocked but.. i like her when she is normal. There were so many other incidents, based on my observations. But this time, I am angry. I felt hurt too but i still believe God is in control. So, I'd like to think Siyun do treat me as a friend..when she is not trying to impress anyone.
Anyway, back to thinking like a lawyer. I am a scatterbrain on road directions, clumsy.. but my intuitions and logic are almost always accurate. Plus, i have slight OCD behaviour, my memory is not that bad. I might not remember where i put my things sometimes BUT remember what people said. I value truth, loyalty, and sincerity.
I wish i knew more about the career of a lawyer in my teens. So that i would have bloody study harder and got into a damn Junior college. I gave up the chance to do A'levels and went to a polytechnic to get an Engineering diploma instead. Because i needed to earn my keeps and also because my O'levels results suck. All i know then, was to quickly earn my keeps so that my parents won't have to support me anymore.
So sometimes when i argue in my head and i say it aloud to Edwin, i was really trying to see from the other person's point of view and understand the whole picture so that we can solve the problem in a most logical way. I am not trying to find excuses for the person. But he always cut me off by raising his voice and providing a far-fetched analogy. This is when i do not see the need to continue sharing my opinion. Because it would be fruitless and I do not want to waste time arguing.
Seriously.. i would be a good lawyer.
***************************************************
Thinking like a lawyer also means that you can make arguments on any side of any question. Many of you resist that teaching, thinking that we are stripping you of your personal principles and convictions, transforming you into a hired gun. On the contrary, learning how to make arguments on different sides of a question is learning that there are arguments on both sides, and learning how to hear them. That is the core of the liberal value of tolerance, but also the precondition for order in a society that chooses to engage in conflict with words rather than guns. It is our best hope for rational deliberation, for solving problems together not based on eradicating conflict, but for channeling it productively and cooperating where possible.
Thinking like a lawyer means combining realism with idealism. It means believing in the possibility and the desirability of both order and justice, and in the capacity of the law to help us achieve them. But it also means knowing the full range of human conduct, and understanding that grand principles will remain paper principles unless they are implemented with an eye to human incentives. Nevertheless, in the end the idea of law, and the ideals that it stands for, is what lawyers represent. It is much harder to be an idealist when you have all the reasons to be a cynic.
Thinking like a lawyer is thinking like a human being, a human being who is tolerant, sophisticated, pragmatic, critical, and engaged. It means combining passion and principle, reason and judgment.
***************************************************
Alex Fung is a good actor, and a very charismatic one. It got me thinking about how the mind of a lawyer works.
I do not know why the friendship between Edwin and me seems distant recently. I respect the fact that he is now my boss and i know there are certain boundaries that i must not cross. I will not make use of this friendship to get special treatments or gather extra information. In fact, i made a decision when he was assigned to lead this team, to help him settle in as quickly as possible with the team and help him gain their trust. Because i truly have trust and faith in this person.
Dec, 2015. I took leave in the last week of Dec and first three days of Jan 2016. That was when Samuel transit into primary school. I remember we had a conflict and we were not really talking. Siyun noticed that i was avoiding him and asked me why. I didn't tell her anything because i know by now that she will make use of conflicts to her advantage. I hold on to the belief that she didn't mean it. Because i truly believe in the good of human beings. But she persisted to tell me "i feel you do not have to listen or help Edwin, he is so harsh on you because he knows you won't desert him. He is smart but "i forgot the word" so he will always give chances to even people like Jenny Goh". And most recently, she told me deliberately, "wah, look at the way you colour, how can you be a mother" the moment Edwin is in the meeting room. I was angry. Angry because she has no right to question me being a mother. And angry because she actually said that to show she is on the same wavelength as Edwin. She has heard Edwin asked how can a person like Serene be a mother. To make use of a friend to gain favour from your boss is despicable. And then, she told others that it's easy to fish information from me. Which is ridiculous. I have seen and heard from herself how she manipulate Serene with Heng Chuan. I'm shocked but.. i like her when she is normal. There were so many other incidents, based on my observations. But this time, I am angry. I felt hurt too but i still believe God is in control. So, I'd like to think Siyun do treat me as a friend..when she is not trying to impress anyone.
Anyway, back to thinking like a lawyer. I am a scatterbrain on road directions, clumsy.. but my intuitions and logic are almost always accurate. Plus, i have slight OCD behaviour, my memory is not that bad. I might not remember where i put my things sometimes BUT remember what people said. I value truth, loyalty, and sincerity.
I wish i knew more about the career of a lawyer in my teens. So that i would have bloody study harder and got into a damn Junior college. I gave up the chance to do A'levels and went to a polytechnic to get an Engineering diploma instead. Because i needed to earn my keeps and also because my O'levels results suck. All i know then, was to quickly earn my keeps so that my parents won't have to support me anymore.
So sometimes when i argue in my head and i say it aloud to Edwin, i was really trying to see from the other person's point of view and understand the whole picture so that we can solve the problem in a most logical way. I am not trying to find excuses for the person. But he always cut me off by raising his voice and providing a far-fetched analogy. This is when i do not see the need to continue sharing my opinion. Because it would be fruitless and I do not want to waste time arguing.
Seriously.. i would be a good lawyer.
***************************************************
Thinking like a lawyer also means that you can make arguments on any side of any question. Many of you resist that teaching, thinking that we are stripping you of your personal principles and convictions, transforming you into a hired gun. On the contrary, learning how to make arguments on different sides of a question is learning that there are arguments on both sides, and learning how to hear them. That is the core of the liberal value of tolerance, but also the precondition for order in a society that chooses to engage in conflict with words rather than guns. It is our best hope for rational deliberation, for solving problems together not based on eradicating conflict, but for channeling it productively and cooperating where possible.
Thinking like a lawyer means combining realism with idealism. It means believing in the possibility and the desirability of both order and justice, and in the capacity of the law to help us achieve them. But it also means knowing the full range of human conduct, and understanding that grand principles will remain paper principles unless they are implemented with an eye to human incentives. Nevertheless, in the end the idea of law, and the ideals that it stands for, is what lawyers represent. It is much harder to be an idealist when you have all the reasons to be a cynic.
Thinking like a lawyer is thinking like a human being, a human being who is tolerant, sophisticated, pragmatic, critical, and engaged. It means combining passion and principle, reason and judgment.
***************************************************
16 Jan 2016 - 关系
The Chinese are complex people. When you do business with them in China, it's all about relationship. "Guan Xi". I read an article today that says "in order to understand the Chinese, one can learn the game of Go" which is 围棋.
The western game of Chess is more straightforward. The object of Go is to place stones on the open board, balancing the need to expand with the need to build protected clusters. Chess is a hierarchical game where the object is to catch the king. Go players seeks to enclose more territory on the board than their opponent.
This sounds like China and Taiwan, China and Hong Kong. Strategic encirclement.. i think of this when i read about the rules of 围棋. Gain more market share, territories BUT don't burn the 关系. And I have been reading The art of war by Sun Tzu.
Office politics is about 关系 too. One stays vigilante on the surroundings, maintain a good关系with colleagues but be able to identify who are the potential enemies. 关系will help one to get information and "recruit" eyes to watch one's back when one's eyes are busy looking in front.
Sounds like a cunning fox. But i supposed, if 关系 is not used to harm others in anyway, but a means of protection, then it is still not against one's conscience. Networking is also necessary in all sorts of circumstances for no man is an island by himself.
The western game of Chess is more straightforward. The object of Go is to place stones on the open board, balancing the need to expand with the need to build protected clusters. Chess is a hierarchical game where the object is to catch the king. Go players seeks to enclose more territory on the board than their opponent.
This sounds like China and Taiwan, China and Hong Kong. Strategic encirclement.. i think of this when i read about the rules of 围棋. Gain more market share, territories BUT don't burn the 关系. And I have been reading The art of war by Sun Tzu.
Office politics is about 关系 too. One stays vigilante on the surroundings, maintain a good关系with colleagues but be able to identify who are the potential enemies. 关系will help one to get information and "recruit" eyes to watch one's back when one's eyes are busy looking in front.
Sounds like a cunning fox. But i supposed, if 关系 is not used to harm others in anyway, but a means of protection, then it is still not against one's conscience. Networking is also necessary in all sorts of circumstances for no man is an island by himself.
I wonder if the scholars in Singapore are trained to be as street-smart as they are academically. In China, it is all about survival. So people tend to be more conniving and selfish and i must say, very street-smart. But they are billions of people in China, it would be a sweeping comment to say everyone is selfish. I'm just saying survival instincts seem stronger in the Chinese people in China.
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
10 Jan 2017 - Aggrieved and not
I missed my blog today, so.. here i go. Looking at screen of my MacBook Air :) It's really cool to use Apple products. I feel chic almost immediately hehe Even the mouse from Apple is slick.
Anyway, i felt aggrieved today. But i came up with a list of reasons why i shouldn't and now i don't. There was a quote request sent last friday evening, and everyone has to leave the office early that day because they were changing the carpets. And Nat was the one who shoo-ed me off with a stern look. He said "all of you must leave now because they have already started working on the carpets." This part is sensitive because the supplier void the previous quote as the contract manufacturer sold it to another end customer instead of the agreed end customer. It was a hoo-ha last year. And now, they are going to sell it directly to the end customer instead. Today, the sales informed us that if we don't ship the part today, there will be a line down tomorrow. But we do not have a valid quote..so i expedited for the quote approval while sales wrote to Nat to get his approval to allow shipment without a valid quote today. And Nat asked alot of questions like how come we didn't get the quote ready since we already know that the end customer will buy direct 2 weeks ago. He said marketing should be proactive since this is a special case. Ray and Ethan both admitted they forgot to inform me (only for my ears) But the way that Ray wrote to Nat..he make it sounded like "noted, i will inform the team to take note of this part and be more pro-active".. wayang. In the whole email chain, he suggested that sales did not send QLR hence we did not get a quote from the supplier. So Nat is probably going to think i am the one who is not pro-active. But to look at the big picture, Ethan didn't mean it..which means he is not a bad person and Ray..he answered Nat in the most politically correct way as he could... i think. If there are any consolations at all..these would be enough. Most of all, it's just work.
This reminded me of something that JFK told me recently. Sometimes, even if we are unhappy, there is no need to voice it out if it will sour relationships. I am beginning to understand this statement. But I must say that human beings tire me out. Sometimes i think if end time is coming, we deserve it. God should wipe out the human race. We are the scariest living things on Earth. We are destructive because global warming, animal extinction, war etc etc are all caused by us.
Everything becomes trivial when i see Samuel's face after another evening of OT. My precious child :)
Everything becomes trivial when i see Samuel's face after another evening of OT. My precious child :)
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