5 June 2017 - The Harsh Realities of Life

One can do a hundred right things and one single mistake is good enough to erase all the right things that one ever did. The is the harsh reality of life. A brilliant doctor can perform a thousand and one successful operations and all it takes is one single mistake to fall from grace. Of cos using the analogy of a doctor is quite far fetched because we are talking about life and death..afterall.

I am grateful for work, it gives me meaning in a small sort of way. It makes me feel useful to have a place to go to when i wake up in the morning and the best time of the day in the office. But is this work giving my life meaning?

I start clearing my work at 7.30am, working through lunch and then stayed back at work until 8pm in the evening, sometimes 9pm.. 10pm even. There were a few Saturdays and Sundays that i went back to work as well. Because i am still using a desktop! No one knew. I work silently, just to stay on top of work. Things got worst from February until now. I am a fast worker and i believe i am efficient and effective. But since ADI de-franchised the other global disty, and Altera de-franchised the other global disty in Europe, my workload seemed to have increased three times. It is not difficult work but "bulky".

Edwin seemed to think i am not working strategically. "It's not about the number of hours you put in. You need to work strategically." I was speechless when i heard that. It is a vicious cycle indeed. If i don't put in extra hours to plough through this increased in workload, there will be escalations like such as "why is the mso so slow.\" etc etc. I put in the extra hours and got greeted with "if you want to take it all upon yourself, then suck it up and don't complain." I wasn't even complaining. He once said Sarah is overloaded, Heidi does not have it easy etc etc, it seems.. everyone is having a hard time at work but me. I have a "good and easy life". It is tiring to be strong and taken for granted.

Weary. Grateful still. But weary. I am looking for a way out. If i am not happy anymore, i should get out of my comfort zone. Go out there and dabble in something else. At least he was right about one thing. If people kept complaining about the company and yet still chose to stay, it can only mean it is not the worst. The worst is yet to be haha