6 February, 2013 - Scan after D & C

I went back to the Dr Adrian's clinic on Monday for a follow up. This was traumatic for me cos when he scanned over my tummy, i can no longer see the water bag, the sac..much less any signs of baby Mathew.  It was just me and my stomach on the screen. It seemed not longer ago that we saw the heartbeat flickering very quickly and surely on the same screen.  I couldn't help tearing up in his clinic and asked if he was sure i could have another baby.  Being a professional and very nice doctor, he said "of cos you can, don't worry"

Anyway, Jervoise was the one who sent Samuel and me to the clinic and we went to my mum's place after that. He brought Samuel out for a swim in the afternoon while i took a few peeks into some thrashy magazines by the pool.

Time will heal all pain, i find that it is now easier to talk about it then a week ago. But whenever i see pregnant women around me, i can't help feeling a tinge of pain in my heart.

This is morbid...I know at 9 weeks, it's a foetus, but it is also looking like a baby.  The picture below shows the fetal development at 9 weeks.



When i think about Mr & Mrs Yap who lost their 2 sons (13 and 7 years old) in the freak accident last Monday, i cannot help thinking what i went through pales in comparison.

Indeed, we live in a fallen world, condemned by sin. And from the time of Adam and Eve, God has been benevolent to us. For He sent us his only begotten son, to redeem us.  Meanwhile, while we are still living on earth, we have to, in the context of buddhism, go through 生，死，病，老.  All of  these cause us pain, one way or another.