One can do a hundred right things and one single mistake is good enough to erase all the right things that one ever did. The is the harsh reality of life. A brilliant doctor can perform a thousand and one successful operations and all it takes is one single mistake to fall from grace. Of cos using the analogy of a doctor is quite far fetched because we are talking about life and death..afterall.
I am grateful for work, it gives me meaning in a small sort of way. It makes me feel useful to have a place to go to when i wake up in the morning and the best time of the day in the office. But is this work giving my life meaning?
I start clearing my work at 7.30am, working through lunch and then stayed back at work until 8pm in the evening, sometimes 9pm.. 10pm even. There were a few Saturdays and Sundays that i went back to work as well. Because i am still using a desktop! No one knew. I work silently, just to stay on top of work. Things got worst from February until now. I am a fast worker and i believe i am efficient and effective. But since ADI de-franchised the other global disty, and Altera de-franchised the other global disty in Europe, my workload seemed to have increased three times. It is not difficult work but "bulky".
Edwin seemed to think i am not working strategically. "It's not about the number of hours you put in. You need to work strategically." I was speechless when i heard that. It is a vicious cycle indeed. If i don't put in extra hours to plough through this increased in workload, there will be escalations like such as "why is the mso so slow.\" etc etc. I put in the extra hours and got greeted with "if you want to take it all upon yourself, then suck it up and don't complain." I wasn't even complaining. He once said Sarah is overloaded, Heidi does not have it easy etc etc, it seems.. everyone is having a hard time at work but me. I have a "good and easy life". It is tiring to be strong and taken for granted.
Weary. Grateful still. But weary. I am looking for a way out. If i am not happy anymore, i should get out of my comfort zone. Go out there and dabble in something else. At least he was right about one thing. If people kept complaining about the company and yet still chose to stay, it can only mean it is not the worst. The worst is yet to be haha
Monday, June 5, 2017
Sunday, January 15, 2017
15 Jan 2016 - Think like a lawyer
I am watching a Hong Kong drama about lawyers. This is an interesting serial. The characters argue the cases from all angles. Words are very important indeed. An open mind and the ability to see a problem from all angles is necessary.
Alex Fung is a good actor, and a very charismatic one. It got me thinking about how the mind of a lawyer works.
I do not know why the friendship between Edwin and me seems distant recently. I respect the fact that he is now my boss and i know there are certain boundaries that i must not cross. I will not make use of this friendship to get special treatments or gather extra information. In fact, i made a decision when he was assigned to lead this team, to help him settle in as quickly as possible with the team and help him gain their trust. Because i truly have trust and faith in this person.
Dec, 2015. I took leave in the last week of Dec and first three days of Jan 2016. That was when Samuel transit into primary school. I remember we had a conflict and we were not really talking. Siyun noticed that i was avoiding him and asked me why. I didn't tell her anything because i know by now that she will make use of conflicts to her advantage. I hold on to the belief that she didn't mean it. Because i truly believe in the good of human beings. But she persisted to tell me "i feel you do not have to listen or help Edwin, he is so harsh on you because he knows you won't desert him. He is smart but "i forgot the word" so he will always give chances to even people like Jenny Goh". And most recently, she told me deliberately, "wah, look at the way you colour, how can you be a mother" the moment Edwin is in the meeting room. I was angry. Angry because she has no right to question me being a mother. And angry because she actually said that to show she is on the same wavelength as Edwin. She has heard Edwin asked how can a person like Serene be a mother. To make use of a friend to gain favour from your boss is despicable. And then, she told others that it's easy to fish information from me. Which is ridiculous. I have seen and heard from herself how she manipulate Serene with Heng Chuan. I'm shocked but.. i like her when she is normal. There were so many other incidents, based on my observations. But this time, I am angry. I felt hurt too but i still believe God is in control. So, I'd like to think Siyun do treat me as a friend..when she is not trying to impress anyone.
Anyway, back to thinking like a lawyer. I am a scatterbrain on road directions, clumsy.. but my intuitions and logic are almost always accurate. Plus, i have slight OCD behaviour, my memory is not that bad. I might not remember where i put my things sometimes BUT remember what people said. I value truth, loyalty, and sincerity.
I wish i knew more about the career of a lawyer in my teens. So that i would have bloody study harder and got into a damn Junior college. I gave up the chance to do A'levels and went to a polytechnic to get an Engineering diploma instead. Because i needed to earn my keeps and also because my O'levels results suck. All i know then, was to quickly earn my keeps so that my parents won't have to support me anymore.
So sometimes when i argue in my head and i say it aloud to Edwin, i was really trying to see from the other person's point of view and understand the whole picture so that we can solve the problem in a most logical way. I am not trying to find excuses for the person. But he always cut me off by raising his voice and providing a far-fetched analogy. This is when i do not see the need to continue sharing my opinion. Because it would be fruitless and I do not want to waste time arguing.
Seriously.. i would be a good lawyer.
***************************************************
Thinking like a lawyer also means that you can make arguments on any side of any question. Many of you resist that teaching, thinking that we are stripping you of your personal principles and convictions, transforming you into a hired gun. On the contrary, learning how to make arguments on different sides of a question is learning that there are arguments on both sides, and learning how to hear them. That is the core of the liberal value of tolerance, but also the precondition for order in a society that chooses to engage in conflict with words rather than guns. It is our best hope for rational deliberation, for solving problems together not based on eradicating conflict, but for channeling it productively and cooperating where possible.
Thinking like a lawyer means combining realism with idealism. It means believing in the possibility and the desirability of both order and justice, and in the capacity of the law to help us achieve them. But it also means knowing the full range of human conduct, and understanding that grand principles will remain paper principles unless they are implemented with an eye to human incentives. Nevertheless, in the end the idea of law, and the ideals that it stands for, is what lawyers represent. It is much harder to be an idealist when you have all the reasons to be a cynic.
Thinking like a lawyer is thinking like a human being, a human being who is tolerant, sophisticated, pragmatic, critical, and engaged. It means combining passion and principle, reason and judgment.
***************************************************
Alex Fung is a good actor, and a very charismatic one. It got me thinking about how the mind of a lawyer works.
I do not know why the friendship between Edwin and me seems distant recently. I respect the fact that he is now my boss and i know there are certain boundaries that i must not cross. I will not make use of this friendship to get special treatments or gather extra information. In fact, i made a decision when he was assigned to lead this team, to help him settle in as quickly as possible with the team and help him gain their trust. Because i truly have trust and faith in this person.
Dec, 2015. I took leave in the last week of Dec and first three days of Jan 2016. That was when Samuel transit into primary school. I remember we had a conflict and we were not really talking. Siyun noticed that i was avoiding him and asked me why. I didn't tell her anything because i know by now that she will make use of conflicts to her advantage. I hold on to the belief that she didn't mean it. Because i truly believe in the good of human beings. But she persisted to tell me "i feel you do not have to listen or help Edwin, he is so harsh on you because he knows you won't desert him. He is smart but "i forgot the word" so he will always give chances to even people like Jenny Goh". And most recently, she told me deliberately, "wah, look at the way you colour, how can you be a mother" the moment Edwin is in the meeting room. I was angry. Angry because she has no right to question me being a mother. And angry because she actually said that to show she is on the same wavelength as Edwin. She has heard Edwin asked how can a person like Serene be a mother. To make use of a friend to gain favour from your boss is despicable. And then, she told others that it's easy to fish information from me. Which is ridiculous. I have seen and heard from herself how she manipulate Serene with Heng Chuan. I'm shocked but.. i like her when she is normal. There were so many other incidents, based on my observations. But this time, I am angry. I felt hurt too but i still believe God is in control. So, I'd like to think Siyun do treat me as a friend..when she is not trying to impress anyone.
Anyway, back to thinking like a lawyer. I am a scatterbrain on road directions, clumsy.. but my intuitions and logic are almost always accurate. Plus, i have slight OCD behaviour, my memory is not that bad. I might not remember where i put my things sometimes BUT remember what people said. I value truth, loyalty, and sincerity.
I wish i knew more about the career of a lawyer in my teens. So that i would have bloody study harder and got into a damn Junior college. I gave up the chance to do A'levels and went to a polytechnic to get an Engineering diploma instead. Because i needed to earn my keeps and also because my O'levels results suck. All i know then, was to quickly earn my keeps so that my parents won't have to support me anymore.
So sometimes when i argue in my head and i say it aloud to Edwin, i was really trying to see from the other person's point of view and understand the whole picture so that we can solve the problem in a most logical way. I am not trying to find excuses for the person. But he always cut me off by raising his voice and providing a far-fetched analogy. This is when i do not see the need to continue sharing my opinion. Because it would be fruitless and I do not want to waste time arguing.
Seriously.. i would be a good lawyer.
***************************************************
Thinking like a lawyer also means that you can make arguments on any side of any question. Many of you resist that teaching, thinking that we are stripping you of your personal principles and convictions, transforming you into a hired gun. On the contrary, learning how to make arguments on different sides of a question is learning that there are arguments on both sides, and learning how to hear them. That is the core of the liberal value of tolerance, but also the precondition for order in a society that chooses to engage in conflict with words rather than guns. It is our best hope for rational deliberation, for solving problems together not based on eradicating conflict, but for channeling it productively and cooperating where possible.
Thinking like a lawyer means combining realism with idealism. It means believing in the possibility and the desirability of both order and justice, and in the capacity of the law to help us achieve them. But it also means knowing the full range of human conduct, and understanding that grand principles will remain paper principles unless they are implemented with an eye to human incentives. Nevertheless, in the end the idea of law, and the ideals that it stands for, is what lawyers represent. It is much harder to be an idealist when you have all the reasons to be a cynic.
Thinking like a lawyer is thinking like a human being, a human being who is tolerant, sophisticated, pragmatic, critical, and engaged. It means combining passion and principle, reason and judgment.
***************************************************
16 Jan 2016 - 关系
The Chinese are complex people. When you do business with them in China, it's all about relationship. "Guan Xi". I read an article today that says "in order to understand the Chinese, one can learn the game of Go" which is 围棋.
The western game of Chess is more straightforward. The object of Go is to place stones on the open board, balancing the need to expand with the need to build protected clusters. Chess is a hierarchical game where the object is to catch the king. Go players seeks to enclose more territory on the board than their opponent.
This sounds like China and Taiwan, China and Hong Kong. Strategic encirclement.. i think of this when i read about the rules of 围棋. Gain more market share, territories BUT don't burn the 关系. And I have been reading The art of war by Sun Tzu.
Office politics is about 关系 too. One stays vigilante on the surroundings, maintain a good关系with colleagues but be able to identify who are the potential enemies. 关系will help one to get information and "recruit" eyes to watch one's back when one's eyes are busy looking in front.
Sounds like a cunning fox. But i supposed, if 关系 is not used to harm others in anyway, but a means of protection, then it is still not against one's conscience. Networking is also necessary in all sorts of circumstances for no man is an island by himself.
The western game of Chess is more straightforward. The object of Go is to place stones on the open board, balancing the need to expand with the need to build protected clusters. Chess is a hierarchical game where the object is to catch the king. Go players seeks to enclose more territory on the board than their opponent.
This sounds like China and Taiwan, China and Hong Kong. Strategic encirclement.. i think of this when i read about the rules of 围棋. Gain more market share, territories BUT don't burn the 关系. And I have been reading The art of war by Sun Tzu.
Office politics is about 关系 too. One stays vigilante on the surroundings, maintain a good关系with colleagues but be able to identify who are the potential enemies. 关系will help one to get information and "recruit" eyes to watch one's back when one's eyes are busy looking in front.
Sounds like a cunning fox. But i supposed, if 关系 is not used to harm others in anyway, but a means of protection, then it is still not against one's conscience. Networking is also necessary in all sorts of circumstances for no man is an island by himself.
I wonder if the scholars in Singapore are trained to be as street-smart as they are academically. In China, it is all about survival. So people tend to be more conniving and selfish and i must say, very street-smart. But they are billions of people in China, it would be a sweeping comment to say everyone is selfish. I'm just saying survival instincts seem stronger in the Chinese people in China.
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
10 Jan 2017 - Aggrieved and not
I missed my blog today, so.. here i go. Looking at screen of my MacBook Air :) It's really cool to use Apple products. I feel chic almost immediately hehe Even the mouse from Apple is slick.
Anyway, i felt aggrieved today. But i came up with a list of reasons why i shouldn't and now i don't. There was a quote request sent last friday evening, and everyone has to leave the office early that day because they were changing the carpets. And Nat was the one who shoo-ed me off with a stern look. He said "all of you must leave now because they have already started working on the carpets." This part is sensitive because the supplier void the previous quote as the contract manufacturer sold it to another end customer instead of the agreed end customer. It was a hoo-ha last year. And now, they are going to sell it directly to the end customer instead. Today, the sales informed us that if we don't ship the part today, there will be a line down tomorrow. But we do not have a valid quote..so i expedited for the quote approval while sales wrote to Nat to get his approval to allow shipment without a valid quote today. And Nat asked alot of questions like how come we didn't get the quote ready since we already know that the end customer will buy direct 2 weeks ago. He said marketing should be proactive since this is a special case. Ray and Ethan both admitted they forgot to inform me (only for my ears) But the way that Ray wrote to Nat..he make it sounded like "noted, i will inform the team to take note of this part and be more pro-active".. wayang. In the whole email chain, he suggested that sales did not send QLR hence we did not get a quote from the supplier. So Nat is probably going to think i am the one who is not pro-active. But to look at the big picture, Ethan didn't mean it..which means he is not a bad person and Ray..he answered Nat in the most politically correct way as he could... i think. If there are any consolations at all..these would be enough. Most of all, it's just work.
This reminded me of something that JFK told me recently. Sometimes, even if we are unhappy, there is no need to voice it out if it will sour relationships. I am beginning to understand this statement. But I must say that human beings tire me out. Sometimes i think if end time is coming, we deserve it. God should wipe out the human race. We are the scariest living things on Earth. We are destructive because global warming, animal extinction, war etc etc are all caused by us.
Everything becomes trivial when i see Samuel's face after another evening of OT. My precious child :)
Everything becomes trivial when i see Samuel's face after another evening of OT. My precious child :)
Sunday, June 12, 2016
12 June 2016 - Living a lie
Recently, our walk with the Boey family has gotten closer. All because i babysit Lucas in March for a day this year. We went for dinner and then a trip to Legoland was decided right there and then. And we met each other a few times in school every morning. And they invited us to their new place for a swim in May. We went to Johor for dinner after the swim and then a Bintan trip was decided. Right there. WOW
And secrets poured out. I can't believe what i am hearing..seriously. I hate lies. I know sometimes white lies are inevitable when we don't wish to hurt others. But living a lie is another thing altogether. I cannot be friends if our relationship is not build on honesty and trust. And so, i held a private debate and convinced myself, we are not friends yet. And because we are not friends, he does not need to tell us all about himself. There is no obligation to do so.
But i feel sad. That people could live like that. Life is too short and too precious to be so miserable. There are many people living in war zones, who just want to live a normal life. We are living a normal life that many people around the world are not able to. Yet, we got greedy. We harbour thoughts of feeling empty, feeling unloved etc etc. In short, it seems to me just plain greedy. Yes, we should all upgrade ourselves and strives to live a good life. But there is a thin line between being greedy and being ungrateful. I need to think about this statement. Because i could be wrong.
Anyway, i have been cooking these 2 days. We had dinner at home on a Saturday and Sunday night. It is cost effective to cook. And i feel a great sense of satisfaction. Cooked with love. :)
I gave my neighbour some soup and auntie taught me a trick to boil the peanuts separately before i add it into the rest of the soup. That way, the soup would be clear, instead of looking milky. Hehe And i have learnt to tell the butcher i want pork ribs with less blood, to cook soup for 3 persons. He chop up the pork ribs into nice small pieces, 9 pieces for $4.50. That is a steal! That is about 4 rounds of soup making hahaha
And in the wet market, i can buy 3 potatoes, 1 tomato and 1 onion. In the exact quantity that i need just as how i planned my meals. Unlike in NTUC, i need to buy a whole packet. By the time i cook again the following week, the potatoes have sprouts growing on them! And my onions almost became plants!
Ahhh the perils of a housewife. It is not easy for SAHMs. I salute them. I would much prefer to put on make up, dress up nicely and go to work. It would be extremely fantastic if we all have 28 days annual leaves for time to stone. :)
Annual leaves remind me of HC, an asshole at work. At first, it exasperates me to be at the receiving end of the stick of his sick humour. He pretends to use this "noncommittal, i am clueless, harmless, smiley face" to people to do things for him. But when he faces Heidi, who looks serious all the time and no-nonsense, he uses a business-like method to get her to do things. With Siyun, he uses the "sugar coated" method because he is unsure of her what she is really thinking about, if she will backstab him. And with Kwan, he has stereotyped him as beneath him. Because he has tested Kwan's tolerance by "suaning" him, one level higher each time. And Kwan has never flare up. I think he should, because HC is a coward. But then again HC will also backstab.. With Benedict, he is neutral because Benedict is harmless.
I reckon that the only way to deal with him is to confuse him as well. Blow hot and cold so he will never figure out what method to use when he talks to me. Put him at the altar and treat him like "a hero" and then the next day/time, look at him as if he is dirt. This is literally slapping him on the right side of his face and kissing the left side of his face. But shit, people like him tires me. I loathe him. He puts a value tag on everyone and he has no qualms about making use of others to attain his objective. Why is he my colleague? Damn, just why? I hate it when he asked "is it my problem?"
Anyway.. it is people like him that makes some other people look like angels.
And secrets poured out. I can't believe what i am hearing..seriously. I hate lies. I know sometimes white lies are inevitable when we don't wish to hurt others. But living a lie is another thing altogether. I cannot be friends if our relationship is not build on honesty and trust. And so, i held a private debate and convinced myself, we are not friends yet. And because we are not friends, he does not need to tell us all about himself. There is no obligation to do so.
But i feel sad. That people could live like that. Life is too short and too precious to be so miserable. There are many people living in war zones, who just want to live a normal life. We are living a normal life that many people around the world are not able to. Yet, we got greedy. We harbour thoughts of feeling empty, feeling unloved etc etc. In short, it seems to me just plain greedy. Yes, we should all upgrade ourselves and strives to live a good life. But there is a thin line between being greedy and being ungrateful. I need to think about this statement. Because i could be wrong.
Anyway, i have been cooking these 2 days. We had dinner at home on a Saturday and Sunday night. It is cost effective to cook. And i feel a great sense of satisfaction. Cooked with love. :)
I gave my neighbour some soup and auntie taught me a trick to boil the peanuts separately before i add it into the rest of the soup. That way, the soup would be clear, instead of looking milky. Hehe And i have learnt to tell the butcher i want pork ribs with less blood, to cook soup for 3 persons. He chop up the pork ribs into nice small pieces, 9 pieces for $4.50. That is a steal! That is about 4 rounds of soup making hahaha
And in the wet market, i can buy 3 potatoes, 1 tomato and 1 onion. In the exact quantity that i need just as how i planned my meals. Unlike in NTUC, i need to buy a whole packet. By the time i cook again the following week, the potatoes have sprouts growing on them! And my onions almost became plants!
Ahhh the perils of a housewife. It is not easy for SAHMs. I salute them. I would much prefer to put on make up, dress up nicely and go to work. It would be extremely fantastic if we all have 28 days annual leaves for time to stone. :)
Annual leaves remind me of HC, an asshole at work. At first, it exasperates me to be at the receiving end of the stick of his sick humour. He pretends to use this "noncommittal, i am clueless, harmless, smiley face" to people to do things for him. But when he faces Heidi, who looks serious all the time and no-nonsense, he uses a business-like method to get her to do things. With Siyun, he uses the "sugar coated" method because he is unsure of her what she is really thinking about, if she will backstab him. And with Kwan, he has stereotyped him as beneath him. Because he has tested Kwan's tolerance by "suaning" him, one level higher each time. And Kwan has never flare up. I think he should, because HC is a coward. But then again HC will also backstab.. With Benedict, he is neutral because Benedict is harmless.
I reckon that the only way to deal with him is to confuse him as well. Blow hot and cold so he will never figure out what method to use when he talks to me. Put him at the altar and treat him like "a hero" and then the next day/time, look at him as if he is dirt. This is literally slapping him on the right side of his face and kissing the left side of his face. But shit, people like him tires me. I loathe him. He puts a value tag on everyone and he has no qualms about making use of others to attain his objective. Why is he my colleague? Damn, just why? I hate it when he asked "is it my problem?"
Anyway.. it is people like him that makes some other people look like angels.
Portrait of an INTP - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving (Introverted Thinking with Extraverted Intuition)
As an INTP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.
INTPs live in the world of theoretical possibilities. They see everything in terms of how it could be improved, or what it could be turned into. They live primarily inside their own minds, having the ability to analyze difficult problems, identify patterns, and come up with logical explanations. They seek clarity in everything, and are therefore driven to build knowledge. They are the "absent-minded professors", who highly value intelligence and the ability to apply logic to theories to find solutions. They typically are so strongly driven to turn problems into logical explanations, that they live much of their lives within their own heads, and may not place as much importance or value on the external world. Their natural drive to turn theories into concrete understanding may turn into a feeling of personal responsibility to solve theoretical problems, and help society move towards a higher understanding.
INTPs value knowledge above all else. Their minds are constantly working to generate new theories, or to prove or disprove existing theories. They approach problems and theories with enthusiasm and skepticism, ignoring existing rules and opinions and defining their own approach to the resolution. They seek patterns and logical explanations for anything that interests them. They're usually extremely bright, and able to be objectively critical in their analysis. They love new ideas, and become very excited over abstractions and theories. They love to discuss these concepts with others. They may seem "dreamy" and distant to others, because they spend a lot of time inside their minds musing over theories. They hate to work on routine things - they would much prefer to build complex theoretical solutions, and leave the implementation of the system to others. They are intensely interested in theory, and will put forth tremendous amounts of time and energy into finding a solution to a problem with has piqued their interest.
INTPs do not like to lead or control people. They're very tolerant and flexible in most situations, unless one of their firmly held beliefs has been violated or challenged, in which case they may take a very rigid stance. The INTP is likely to be very shy when it comes to meeting new people. On the other hand, the INTP is very self-confident and gregarious around people they know well, or when discussing theories which they fully understand.
The INTP has no understanding or value for decisions made on the basis of personal subjectivity or feelings. They strive constantly to achieve logical conclusions to problems, and don't understand the importance or relevance of applying subjective emotional considerations to decisions. For this reason, INTPs are usually not in-tune with how people are feeling, and are not naturally well-equiped to meet the emotional needs of others.
The INTP may have a problem with self-aggrandizement and social rebellion, which will interfere with their creative potential. Since their Feeling side is their least developed trait, the INTP may have difficulty giving the warmth and support that is sometimes necessary in intimate relationships. If the INTP doesn't realize the value of attending to other people's feelings, he or she may become overly critical and sarcastic with others. If the INTP is not able to find a place for themself which supports the use of their strongest abilities, they may become generally negative and cynical. If the INTP has not developed their Sensing side sufficiently, they may become unaware of their environment, and exhibit weakness in performing maintenance-type tasks, such as bill-paying and dressing appropriately.
For the INTP, it is extremely important that ideas and facts are expressed correctly and succinctly. They are likely to express themselves in what they believe to be absolute truths. Sometimes, their well thought-out understanding of an idea is not easily understandable by others, but the INTP is not naturally likely to tailor the truth so as to explain it in an understandable way to others. The INTP may be prone to abandoning a project once they have figured it out, moving on to the next thing. It's important that the INTP place importance on expressing their developed theories in understandable ways. In the end, an amazing discovery means nothing if you are the only person who understands it.
The INTP is usually very independent, unconventional, and original. They are not likely to place much value on traditional goals such as popularity and security. They usually have complex characters, and may tend to be restless and temperamental. They are strongly ingenious, and have unconventional thought patterns which allows them to analyze ideas in new ways. Consequently, a lot of scientific breakthroughs in the world have been made by the INTP.
The INTP is at his best when he can work on his theories independently. When given an environment which supports his creative genius and possible eccentricity, the INTP can accomplish truly remarkable things. These are the pioneers of new thoughts in our society.
"INTPs are perhaps the most intellectually profound of all the types."
- Isabel Briggs Myers
"What is important is that the underlying structures of the universe be uncovered and articulated, and that whatever is stated about the universe be stated correctly, with coherence and without redundancy."
- David Keirsey
"INTPs are free-spirited idea mills and absentminded professors, which makes them fun to be around, easily diverted, and a plethora of unending creativity."
- Otto Kroeger
Famous INTPs
INTP in the Population
INTP is one of the less common types in the population, especially for women. Among women, INTPis the fourth rarest type (after INTJ, ENTJ, and INFJ). INTPs make up:
3% of the general population
5% of men
2% of women
P.S.
Being the anal person that i am, i took the test, a few different tests, many times to confirm that i am indeed an INTP :) So I'm not mad after all, I'm a typical INTP, always having arguments in my head. Makes sense to me now. but yet, i didn't think i am smart.
11 May 2016 - Feeling Stupid.
Al***a is a shit line card. One of the PM is clueless about what is going on and the other one is on an emotional roller coaster ride all the time.
I just heard the most absurd thing. Which is so manipulative.
I was happily pregnant after a miscarriage the year before. And then i have to lose it again. Indirectly because of Ms Inferiority Complex. Al***a was going through a price increase and I didn't want her to face all the work alone because she was going through depression. So despite the doctor's advice to be bedridden, i chose to work.. til late into the night. Because she was crazy emotionally at that time and she took it out on me, most probably unconsciously and unintentionally. (But i take responsibility for not heeding the doctor's advice too) I never told her she contributed to my stress because i didn't want to hurt her with guilt. It was only recently when i talked about the miscarriage that i found out from Siyun about something that bothered me. While i was on hospital leave, Ms Inferiority Complex told everyone (Kimchi, Siyun, Priscillia, Amy Woo etc etc) not to contact me so as not to upset me. She painted the picture to everyone that i was contacting no one but her. Screw that. I was replying everyone's message EXCEPT hers. And this behaviour meant that she was in denial and so selfishly still thinking of herself. It is more important to let everyone think she is my only source of contact because we are so close than to let anyone show me some concern. Maybe because of guilt. But this is so selfish.
She must have realised she was going through some sort of craziness at that time. Because once I'm back to work, she went to Beijing to work for a week. And when she is back from Beijing, she took sick leave for a week.. for being mentally unsound. No kidding. She said so herself. She said she was vomiting water and losing appetite. What a loser. And i was actually encouraging her to be strong. I was the one who should be feeling depressed after a second loss. I almost hate myself for being so stupid for a fleeting moment.
Ms Inferiority Complex is like a bottomless pit, never satisfied, never confident, always feeling inferior, always jealous and most of all..never grateful. I realised i wanted to help her find confidence and be strong not because i see her as a friend. She will never make it to be my friend based on my criteria. Just pity. And a firm belief that everyone should love themselves. That's why i feel a need to take care of her. But for how long?
But then again, i do not feel bitterness..the truth hurts but it also sets me free. I know how i should deal with her more effectively now. I need to be sure i do not get suck in to the black hole of her depression or anxiety attacks.
Life is colourful and it actually makes me a better person than myself yesterday because these people are walking around for me to observe. It teaches me how to be a better human being.
I just heard the most absurd thing. Which is so manipulative.
She must have realised she was going through some sort of craziness at that time. Because once I'm back to work, she went to Beijing to work for a week. And when she is back from Beijing, she took sick leave for a week.. for being mentally unsound. No kidding. She said so herself. She said she was vomiting water and losing appetite. What a loser. And i was actually encouraging her to be strong. I was the one who should be feeling depressed after a second loss. I almost hate myself for being so stupid for a fleeting moment.
Ms Inferiority Complex is like a bottomless pit, never satisfied, never confident, always feeling inferior, always jealous and most of all..never grateful. I realised i wanted to help her find confidence and be strong not because i see her as a friend. She will never make it to be my friend based on my criteria. Just pity. And a firm belief that everyone should love themselves. That's why i feel a need to take care of her. But for how long?
But then again, i do not feel bitterness..the truth hurts but it also sets me free. I know how i should deal with her more effectively now. I need to be sure i do not get suck in to the black hole of her depression or anxiety attacks.
Life is colourful and it actually makes me a better person than myself yesterday because these people are walking around for me to observe. It teaches me how to be a better human being.
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