Been awhile since i last updated my blog. Chinese New Year came and went, in a flash. I went for the second interview and I am still waiting for AMK family centre to call me...hopefully. Since that interview, i have been incessantly checking my emails and phone. Many thoughts came to my mind. Many what ifs. What if i didn't do well in the interview, what if they didn't like me that day. What if I wore the wrong set of clothes. What if I was too honest. What if I was too nervous. What ifs. What ifs.
I dislike myself for being so nervous waiting. I had prayed that God will open doors if He deemed fit. Close doors if it is not the one. I should surrender the results to Him, instead of wondering everyday. 15 March is the deadline to get hired by one of these organisations before I can proceed to submit my application to study in UNISIM. Despte the anxiety, I know that this is an added bonus in my life. Since if Yan hasn't let me know about the whole programme but cutting that newspaper clip, I wouldn't have went through the whole process since last Nov. So life is still great technically speaking. Continue to work, get paid, live the life that i have already became so familiar and accustomed to. Try to have another baby.
The only difference is, my heart has changed. Period.
I no longer see anyone in this company as people I have worked together with for almost 8 years as "families". In fact i seemed to have grown detached from many people by choice. It is almost like i no longer see a need to even just smile and say hi. Even to people in the same department. Screw formalities. I'm not sure if I'm being a prick and rude but I'm certainly following my heart. I find all these yakking among colleagues so meaningless. I really can't find any reason why I should bother to make small talk at all. Not one single reason, most practical reason i can think of is because i should try not to be rude. Hence smile and talk. How's the weather, how are you, nice dress, great hair, nice watch blah blah blah. But the thought of it makes me tired already.
Good night world. Tomorrow, life goes on, thank You God for keeping me and my family alive. :)
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