12 June 2016 - Living a lie

Recently, our walk with the Boey family has gotten closer. All because i babysit Lucas in March for a day this year. We went for dinner and then a trip to Legoland was decided right there and then. And we met each other a few times in school every morning.  And they invited us to their new place for a swim in May. We went to Johor for dinner after the swim and then a Bintan trip was decided. Right there. WOW

And secrets poured out. I can't believe what i am hearing..seriously. I hate lies. I know sometimes white lies are inevitable when we don't wish to hurt others.  But living a lie is another thing altogether.  I cannot be friends if our relationship is not build on honesty and trust. And so, i held a private debate and convinced myself, we are not friends yet. And because we are not friends, he does not need to tell us all about himself. There is no obligation to do so.

But i feel sad. That people could live like that. Life is too short and too precious to be so miserable. There are many people living in war zones, who just want to live a normal life. We are living a normal life that many people around the world are not able to.  Yet, we got greedy. We harbour thoughts of feeling empty, feeling unloved etc etc. In short, it seems to me just plain greedy. Yes, we should all upgrade ourselves and strives to live a good life. But there is a thin line between being greedy and being ungrateful. I need to think about this statement. Because i could be wrong.

Anyway, i have been cooking these 2 days. We had dinner at home on a Saturday and Sunday night. It is cost effective to cook. And i feel a great sense of satisfaction. Cooked with love. :)

I gave my neighbour some soup and auntie taught me a trick to boil the peanuts separately before i add it into the rest of the soup. That way, the soup would be clear, instead of looking milky. Hehe And i have learnt to tell the butcher i want pork ribs with less blood, to cook soup for 3 persons.  He chop up the pork ribs into nice small pieces, 9 pieces for $4.50. That is a steal! That is about 4 rounds of soup making hahaha

And in the wet market, i can buy 3 potatoes, 1 tomato and 1 onion. In the exact quantity that i need just as how i planned my meals. Unlike in NTUC, i need to buy a whole packet. By the time i cook again the following week, the potatoes have sprouts growing on them! And my onions almost became plants!

Ahhh the perils of a housewife. It is not easy for SAHMs. I salute them. I would much prefer to put on make up, dress up nicely and go to work. It would be extremely fantastic if we all have 28 days annual leaves for time to stone. :)

Annual leaves remind me of HC, an asshole at work. At first, it exasperates me to be at the receiving end of the stick of his sick humour.  He pretends to use this "noncommittal, i am clueless, harmless, smiley face" to people to do things for him. But when he faces Heidi, who looks serious all the time and no-nonsense, he uses a business-like method to get her to do things. With Siyun, he uses the "sugar coated" method because he is unsure of her what she is really thinking about, if she will backstab him. And with Kwan, he has stereotyped him as beneath him. Because he has tested Kwan's tolerance by "suaning" him, one level higher each time. And Kwan has never flare up. I think he should, because HC is a coward. But then again HC will also backstab.. With Benedict, he is neutral because Benedict is harmless.

I reckon that the only way to deal with him is to confuse him as well. Blow hot and cold so he will never figure out what method to use when he talks to me. Put him at the altar and treat him like "a hero" and then the next day/time, look at him as if he is dirt.  This is literally slapping him on the right side of his face and kissing the left side of his face. But shit, people like him tires me. I loathe him. He puts a value tag on everyone and he has no qualms about making use of others to attain his objective. Why is he my colleague? Damn, just why? I hate it when he asked "is it my problem?"

Anyway.. it is people like him that makes some other people look like angels.

Portrait of an INTP - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving (Introverted Thinking with Extraverted Intuition)

The Thinker

As an INTP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

INTPs live in the world of theoretical possibilities. They see everything in terms of how it could be improved, or what it could be turned into. They live primarily inside their own minds, having the ability to analyze difficult problems, identify patterns, and come up with logical explanations. They seek clarity in everything, and are therefore driven to build knowledge. They are the "absent-minded professors", who highly value intelligence and the ability to apply logic to theories to find solutions. They typically are so strongly driven to turn problems into logical explanations, that they live much of their lives within their own heads, and may not place as much importance or value on the external world. Their natural drive to turn theories into concrete understanding may turn into a feeling of personal responsibility to solve theoretical problems, and help society move towards a higher understanding.

INTPs value knowledge above all else. Their minds are constantly working to generate new theories, or to prove or disprove existing theories. They approach problems and theories with enthusiasm and skepticism, ignoring existing rules and opinions and defining their own approach to the resolution. They seek patterns and logical explanations for anything that interests them. They're usually extremely bright, and able to be objectively critical in their analysis. They love new ideas, and become very excited over abstractions and theories. They love to discuss these concepts with others. They may seem "dreamy" and distant to others, because they spend a lot of time inside their minds musing over theories. They hate to work on routine things - they would much prefer to build complex theoretical solutions, and leave the implementation of the system to others. They are intensely interested in theory, and will put forth tremendous amounts of time and energy into finding a solution to a problem with has piqued their interest.

INTPs do not like to lead or control people. They're very tolerant and flexible in most situations, unless one of their firmly held beliefs has been violated or challenged, in which case they may take a very rigid stance. The INTP is likely to be very shy when it comes to meeting new people. On the other hand, the INTP is very self-confident and gregarious around people they know well, or when discussing theories which they fully understand.

The INTP has no understanding or value for decisions made on the basis of personal subjectivity or feelings. They strive constantly to achieve logical conclusions to problems, and don't understand the importance or relevance of applying subjective emotional considerations to decisions. For this reason, INTPs are usually not in-tune with how people are feeling, and are not naturally well-equiped to meet the emotional needs of others.

The INTP may have a problem with self-aggrandizement and social rebellion, which will interfere with their creative potential. Since their Feeling side is their least developed trait, the INTP may have difficulty giving the warmth and support that is sometimes necessary in intimate relationships. If the INTP doesn't realize the value of attending to other people's feelings, he or she may become overly critical and sarcastic with others. If the INTP is not able to find a place for themself which supports the use of their strongest abilities, they may become generally negative and cynical. If the INTP has not developed their Sensing side sufficiently, they may become unaware of their environment, and exhibit weakness in performing maintenance-type tasks, such as bill-paying and dressing appropriately.

For the INTP, it is extremely important that ideas and facts are expressed correctly and succinctly. They are likely to express themselves in what they believe to be absolute truths. Sometimes, their well thought-out understanding of an idea is not easily understandable by others, but the INTP is not naturally likely to tailor the truth so as to explain it in an understandable way to others. The INTP may be prone to abandoning a project once they have figured it out, moving on to the next thing. It's important that the INTP place importance on expressing their developed theories in understandable ways. In the end, an amazing discovery means nothing if you are the only person who understands it.

The INTP is usually very independent, unconventional, and original. They are not likely to place much value on traditional goals such as popularity and security. They usually have complex characters, and may tend to be restless and temperamental. They are strongly ingenious, and have unconventional thought patterns which allows them to analyze ideas in new ways. Consequently, a lot of scientific breakthroughs in the world have been made by the INTP.

The INTP is at his best when he can work on his theories independently. When given an environment which supports his creative genius and possible eccentricity, the INTP can accomplish truly remarkable things. These are the pioneers of new thoughts in our society.

Quotes About INTP

"INTPs are perhaps the most intellectually profound of all the types."

- Isabel Briggs Myers

"What is important is that the underlying structures of the universe be uncovered and articulated, and that whatever is stated about the universe be stated correctly, with coherence and without redundancy."

- David Keirsey

"INTPs are free-spirited idea mills and absentminded professors, which makes them fun to be around, easily diverted, and a plethora of unending creativity."

- Otto Kroeger

Famous INTPs

Famous INTP include Albert Einstein, Thomas Jefferson, Rene Descartes, Charles Darwin, Marie Curie, C.G. Jung, Socrates, and Abraham Lincoln.

INTP in the Population
INTP is one of the less common types in the population, especially for women. Among women, INTPis the fourth rarest type (after INTJ, ENTJ, and INFJ). INTPs make up:
3% of the general population
5% of men
2% of women


P.S.
Being the anal person that i am, i took the test, a few different tests, many times to confirm that i am indeed an INTP :) So I'm not mad after all, I'm a typical INTP, always having arguments in my head. Makes sense to me now. but yet, i didn't think i am smart.

11 May 2016 - Feeling Stupid.

Al***a is a shit line card.  One of the PM is clueless about what is going on and the other one is on an emotional roller coaster ride all the time.

I just heard the most absurd thing. Which is so manipulative.

I was happily pregnant after a miscarriage the year before.  And then i have to lose it again.  Indirectly because of Ms Inferiority Complex.  Al***a was going through a price increase and I didn't want her to face all the work alone because she was going through depression.  So despite the doctor's advice to be bedridden, i chose to work.. til late into the night. Because she was crazy emotionally at that time and she took it out on me, most probably unconsciously and unintentionally.  (But i take responsibility for not heeding the doctor's advice too) I never told her she contributed to my stress because i didn't want to hurt her with guilt.  It was only recently when i talked about the miscarriage that i found out from Siyun about something that bothered me. While i was on hospital leave, Ms Inferiority Complex told everyone (Kimchi, Siyun, Priscillia, Amy Woo etc etc) not to contact me so as not to upset me. She painted the picture to everyone that i was contacting no one but her.  Screw that. I was replying everyone's message EXCEPT hers.  And this behaviour meant that she was in denial and so selfishly still thinking of herself.  It is more important to let everyone think she is my only source of contact because we are so close than to let anyone show me some concern. Maybe because of guilt.  But this is so selfish.

She must have realised she was going through some sort of craziness at that time. Because once I'm back to work, she went to Beijing to work for a week.  And when she is back from Beijing, she took sick leave for a week.. for being mentally unsound.  No kidding. She said so herself. She said she was vomiting water and losing appetite.  What a loser.  And i was actually encouraging her to be strong.  I was the one who should be feeling depressed after a second loss.  I almost hate myself for being so stupid for a fleeting moment.

Ms Inferiority Complex is like a bottomless pit, never satisfied, never confident, always feeling inferior, always jealous and most of all..never grateful.  I realised i wanted to help her find confidence and be strong not because i see her as a friend.  She will never make it to be my friend based on my criteria.  Just pity.  And a firm belief that everyone should love themselves.  That's why i feel a need to take care of her.  But for how long?

But then again, i do not feel bitterness..the truth hurts but it also sets me free. I know how i should deal with her more effectively now.  I need to be sure i do not get suck in to the black hole of her depression or anxiety attacks.

Life is colourful and it actually makes me a better person than myself yesterday because these people are walking around for me to observe. It teaches me how to be a better human being.