I was checking my emails this morning and got a pleasant surprise, NCSS has written to inform me that I am invited to attend a networking session with employers on the 2nd Feb, Monday. I am very happy to receive this email because it means another step forward.. even if it is a very small step with no guaranteed success. I submitted my application of interest last December right after i attended the conference for a mid career switch to be a social worker. "Just do your part, God will do the rest." they say. "He will open doors if it is His plan and close all doors not meant to be." I leave all in His hands while i dutifully replied the email to confirm my attendance and also completed another round of survey tonight.
My mum asked if I have the interest to be a social worker and i replied her that it's no longer if I'm interested but doing what God wants me to do. Though i admit that i still have my doubts and uncertainties if this is really from God or something that is in my face so much so that i began to think it's a calling. But regardless of this doubt, dear God, please open or close doors or if it's a wait, i will wait.
Random thoughts...
Putting Samuel in this childcare is one of the best decision i have made for him as I watched him grow smarter and more outspoken day by day. Yet, it is also like a double edge sword.. Sometimes i'm wrecked with guilt for not being able too stay home for Samuel and spend more time with him. Something that my mum could not do for us when we were young because she needs to work. And the thought of putting him in a student care in future makes me feel like a lousy mother. It feels like depositing my only child in a faraway place from home to be taken care of by strangers. Anyway, i guess i will worry about that bit when the time comes..
Death.. the pain of dealing with the loss if a loved one can be overwhelming..so much so that even breathing seemed laboured.
Life is so short, there are so many "what-ifs", "i wish", "if only" etc. We only live once and we should really live life with gratitude everyday. Less grumblings, less unhappiness but more tolerance, more appreciation, more love, more forgiveness and more positive thinking. For all the bad things that happened and all the mean people that we meet, there are always the wonderful events and people around us. What won't kill us can only make us stronger.
Joshua and Matthew, are you with grandpa in heaven? Is heaven for real?
Seek, Ask, Pray Amen
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