2 January 2016 - Gossips and delusional acceptance

We went for dinner with Jfk's family today to celebrate his niece, Jasmin's birthday. And during dinner, Jasmin asked Jfk how was the Legoland trip with my mother *wink*. The look on Jasmin's face told me that her Nai Nai has said horrible things of my mother to her and she said Nai Nai has told her all about my mother bla bla bla. Well, Jfk had complained to my mother-in-law about my mum, once. That my mum can be quite difficult to get along with and sort of gives in to Samuel most times and she nags..alot. And Jasmin said Nai Nai talked to her for almost 2 hours in the hotel room in Genting while her parents went to the casino.

I really find it harder and harder to love someone like my mother-in-law. Or respect, for that matter. She really has no business to bad mouth my mother to Jasmin of all people. What did my mum do to warrant this? I cannot understand why is there a need for her to gossip about anyone and everyone. The whole time during dinner, i tried to think of a reason or circumstances that could lead to her talking bad about my mum to Jasmin. To find justification. None.

In her own words, everyone "eat shit" (in teochew) Don't she understand that gossip is like a boomerang that will come back full circle to the person who threw it? I mean at her age? All the time she will try to pry me about Jervoise's marriage to "that Mongolian",  perhaps hoping that i have something bad to say and she can use this juicy piece of story to act as a great conversation piece to another group of people. Anyway, I'm always very cautious with her questions. My instincts on a person's character seldom fail me and I always reply her with "they are doing great, thank you for asking." You know the difference when someone ask out of concern or someone ask out of kaypoh-ness.

Anyway, i was really seething with anger while eating my fish and chips at Swensons. I wanted to walk up to her and tell her off. But i didn't. I needed a plan on how to deal with her behaviour. It was getting extremely hard to look her in the eye without disdain, so i avoided looking at her altogether.

I realised that she has this thought of herself being righteous, straight forward, well-liked, easy going and may i say adventurous. But the number of people i heard her complained about and fell out with, well..  She likes to be in control, albeit subtle way. And is certainly not as straight forward as me. So because she thinks she is that perfect person that she is, it is always someone else's fault..regardless. That's what i call delusional acceptance. "I accept that i am a person without flaws, therefore there is no need for me to improve, i accept that this IS me and the best IS already here". That's under a delusion..in my opinion. And unfortunately..that would mean no improvement and growth as a person.

Gossiping is also an insecure behaviour. Putting others down to feel superior because "I'm DA BEST" haha And I'm not so angry with her today because i accept that gossiping about everyone and anyone is a character flaw driven from a rather small heart cum small mind. That is enough reason to garner sympathy from me instead of anger. Also, i cannot be selfish, i need to look at the big picture and maintain harmony in the family. I need to teach proper family values to Samuel,  therefore, i will let this slide. No one is perfect and I'm guilty of gossiping too.

I do have this feeling that I'm pyscho-ing myself to let go and stay calm lol