Watched the movie "music and lyrics" today. Sophie Fischer (Drew Barrymore) is a "hidden" talented lyricist who was traumatised by a guy she has been carrying a torch for. He had used her as a character in his best selling book, painting her in a derogatory way and she has problem getting over this hurt. Alex Fletcher (Hugh Grant) is a 80s has been pop star who is a shadow of his past. Both has issues and are hiding behind a facade.....there was a scene where Sophie insisted that Alex stands up for his belief in his song and remain true as an artist. Triggered off me thinking if i have been true to myself...
It has always been my belief to treat people with sincerity and be as open as possible. In doing so, i believe that there will be no need to hide under a facade and pretend to be somebody i am not. I also believe that i trust a person without any obligations until proven wrong. There were countless times that i have trusted and got hurt and then backed off but i still hang on to my belief that sincerity will move the coldest heart...but i guess this is not always true... but a fren told me that there is still good in everybody despite the all the bad, and he slowly and carefully tear down my "one of my few real me" masks each time we do life lessons talks, thank you JK hahaha for reminding me not to give you shit masks. Hey, you keep believing that someday, somehow you will see light in the road that you wana trudge on k ;)
Sometimes i might even come across as being too warm and in our asian culture, this could be misinterpreted as too "full of pretences". But i am really a warm gal..and fun loving..simply cos i love life and i love people. That explains why i enjoy clubbing lo..cos after some alcohol, happy music and packed dance floor, the most uptight of human beings will start to more or less lose their inhabitations. Anyway, people who matters to me wun misunderstand and people who misunderstand me probably dun matters. =))
I hate small talk. Unless absolutely neccessary, i prefer to talk as in real meaningful talk. Maybe that's why i prefer to surround myself with frens and people who can connect with me. So i give my best to all my frenships cos i really treasure all my frens.
But i wonder if in my eagerness to make frens and be accepted, i stop making my opinions matter. And i hide the chilli padi side of me cos it's easier to be liked being an easy going and a sweet tempered gal. I try not to inconvenience others by just following the flow as long as it wun affect me in a big way. But then again, aren't these little things that add up to the bigger things...i mean gradually i stop listening to the little voice and start to lose myself...like i am living up to somebody else's expectations, doing somebody else's wishes bla bla...i mean in the whole process, i wun even noe who i really am. By not doing wat my heart says, ain't i wearing a mask? A mask to please people and hide my real needs and wants...ahhhhh wake up my bloody idea. I think it's time i make changes and start to be who i really am. I have a fiery nature and it's ok to just show it instead of trying to smother it just to fit in. And yes, i am passionate, quick tempered, rash and i still have a heart of gold ;P Better to show my fiery side than to lose myself, ok this will be my resolution for 2007
Funny i dun feel lonely being alone at home this week. Sometimes i feel lonely when i am surrounded by people. Then i shop when i feel empty (incessantly buying stuff i dun really need) and drink when i feel lonely. (Oh but i am no alcoholic keke) Solitude to me is at its best when i am at peace with myself...i figured. Most times i just feel restless, like there are so many things to be done and so many dreams to persue but i am only going round in circles. Not moving forward makes me feel shitty and RESTLESS. Then cos i stop listening to the small little voice in me for so long, i dun even noe the cause of my restlessness sometimes. Damn it!
