Today is the second day of work after the two weeks hiatus. And I am reminded that work indeed sucks. I don't know if things have changed or it is I who have changed. As i read my past blog entries, and discovered that i no longer feel like i have the same energy to play ping pong ball (emails) or entertain unreasonable requests from colleagues, suppliers, customers etc In fact i seem to be looking at this company using a magnifier glass. One that magnifies all it's flaws and and the stark difference compared to when i first joined.
Yesterday, I learnt that i might need to work with Sarah again. Like in Pemco days. Except that this time, we both have changed and the relationship has also changed. God works in mysterious ways...perhaps she is my "last job" in this company. I have to work on introducing more of God to her and then perhaps God can move me to the next place to serve?
I go to work with anticipation everyday..hoping that i will get selected for the social worker scheme. At the same time, while i feel refreshed from the break from work, I have been encountering irritating people and assholes from Hong Kong to test my patience to the very limit. There are so many people (let's just call them assholes) in this company who came to work not expecting any problems to be thrown on their lap, who expects smooth day everyday and by having this expectation, inconvenience others greatly because they would be lazy and try to do the most minimum work that they can.
I think i have mental block in writing..
To end off, JFK came to pick me up from work and we had a nice dinner at The Loading Bay. It was a cosy place to be at and much as it was a shit day, I had a great evening :)
Yesterday, my menses also gorily arrived. No..i am not pregnant. Again. At least it's not another miscarriage this time.
To all the assholes out there, I hope that one day you will realised what an ass face you have, get paid for all the asshole-ness you have been in due, and get stuck with other assholes for the rest of your life.
P.S. Forgive me for i have no forgiving heart to the above said asses
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
2 January, 2015 - Paddington Bear
Today is the last weekday of of our little stay-home-vacation :) We had lunch at Great World city, watch the movie Paddington Bear and shop a little while. The pantone colour for 2015 is masala and i went to Sephora to pick up a lipstick in this shade. Couldn't find any..left the shop empty handed, might as well..save money :)
We drove to East Coast to watch the sea, and play some sand. Samuel was happily playing sand when he found a fifty cents coin! Lucky little boy. Earlier in Great World city, he had donated ten cents out of his pocket money to a charity box. He has been saving up to buy a toy by collecting ten cents from daddy everyday lol
After a tiring day, it was ice cream time!
When we got home, little Samuel wants to follow Keller and Kellie to Kallang Wave stadium to play with their scooter bikes. We have such fantastic neighbours :)
What a wonderful day it is to spend time with our family. It's a blessing just to be alive and and see God's creation everyday.
Thank God for this wonderful day, for family, for great neighbours and for keeping us safe.
Amen
We drove to East Coast to watch the sea, and play some sand. Samuel was happily playing sand when he found a fifty cents coin! Lucky little boy. Earlier in Great World city, he had donated ten cents out of his pocket money to a charity box. He has been saving up to buy a toy by collecting ten cents from daddy everyday lol
After a tiring day, it was ice cream time!
When we got home, little Samuel wants to follow Keller and Kellie to Kallang Wave stadium to play with their scooter bikes. We have such fantastic neighbours :)
What a wonderful day it is to spend time with our family. It's a blessing just to be alive and and see God's creation everyday.
Thank God for this wonderful day, for family, for great neighbours and for keeping us safe.
Amen
Thursday, January 1, 2015
1 January, 2015 - Happy New Year
Time
It's 2015, time did zoom past fast. I am turning 39 this August and soon I will be 40. I wonder if i can still make it in time for a baby number 2. After baby Joshua and Matthew's brief stay on earth, I have serious doubts about being able to have another baby. We didn't plan on having any kids when we got married. Ironically, this is one big regret that I have now..not starting a family earlier. But then again, thank God for Samuel. He is indeed the biggest joy in our life.
Family
They are the most important people to me in life. To put it bluntly, without them, I am nothing. Family reminds me that I am not alone in this world. We have our disagreements and tiffs now and then but we will always be family. Always.
I want to say I really, really love you. Jeffrey, Samuel, Pa, Mummy, Jervoise, Jervis, Marvin, Sharon, Jasmin, Benjamin, Dad, Mother...
Also my Aunties, Uncles, cousins..i do feel a tinge of regret for not hanging out enough with my cousins in their growing up years. But I am thankful that they so readily accept us back into their gatherings.
Family = love :)
Friends
I do not have many close friends. Not because I'm not sociable or unfriendly. On the contrary, I can be quite a "professional hala queen". There is an on-off button that I selectively press depending on my mood and instincts. But i choose to be cold so as not to make so many friends. Because friendships require time to maintain. I do not think I want to spend so much time with people who are merely "friends". I only keep friends who do not judge each other, who will be there when the going gets rough, who will be there and weep with you silently, who despite time apart, will always re-connect easily like distance never existed. Thank you very much for being there for me. You know who you are.
Work
Been in this company for almost eight years. There were good times and bad times. This is the same company that I joined since I started this blog. I would be lying if I say I have no feelings towards this company.
Having said that, I have just sent in my application for a mid career change, to explore social services in Singapore. If my application is successful, I will be doing two years of study at SIM followed by another two years of bond to the employer who hired me. If this is what God wants me to do, I pray that He will open doors. Sometimes I wonder why did God download this thought in my heart, why me? I am not sure if I have the criteria of a social worker in terms of personality. I'm not exactly even temper, I can be quite impatient, vindictive and the list goes on. But God works in mysterious ways. This time, i took the leap of faith and submitted my application.
Also, there is the online business that I am struggling to make it work out. I would really like to see it kick off..any small start is a great beginning. I need to find like-minded people, to share this dream and make it work out..for a better life style and a challenge I set for myself.
Thank You God for everything.
Concurrently, we will also try for a baby. As JFK said ~ leave it to God.
Counting my blessings everyday :)
It's 2015, time did zoom past fast. I am turning 39 this August and soon I will be 40. I wonder if i can still make it in time for a baby number 2. After baby Joshua and Matthew's brief stay on earth, I have serious doubts about being able to have another baby. We didn't plan on having any kids when we got married. Ironically, this is one big regret that I have now..not starting a family earlier. But then again, thank God for Samuel. He is indeed the biggest joy in our life.
Family
They are the most important people to me in life. To put it bluntly, without them, I am nothing. Family reminds me that I am not alone in this world. We have our disagreements and tiffs now and then but we will always be family. Always.
I want to say I really, really love you. Jeffrey, Samuel, Pa, Mummy, Jervoise, Jervis, Marvin, Sharon, Jasmin, Benjamin, Dad, Mother...
Also my Aunties, Uncles, cousins..i do feel a tinge of regret for not hanging out enough with my cousins in their growing up years. But I am thankful that they so readily accept us back into their gatherings.
Family = love :)
Friends
I do not have many close friends. Not because I'm not sociable or unfriendly. On the contrary, I can be quite a "professional hala queen". There is an on-off button that I selectively press depending on my mood and instincts. But i choose to be cold so as not to make so many friends. Because friendships require time to maintain. I do not think I want to spend so much time with people who are merely "friends". I only keep friends who do not judge each other, who will be there when the going gets rough, who will be there and weep with you silently, who despite time apart, will always re-connect easily like distance never existed. Thank you very much for being there for me. You know who you are.
Work
Been in this company for almost eight years. There were good times and bad times. This is the same company that I joined since I started this blog. I would be lying if I say I have no feelings towards this company.
Having said that, I have just sent in my application for a mid career change, to explore social services in Singapore. If my application is successful, I will be doing two years of study at SIM followed by another two years of bond to the employer who hired me. If this is what God wants me to do, I pray that He will open doors. Sometimes I wonder why did God download this thought in my heart, why me? I am not sure if I have the criteria of a social worker in terms of personality. I'm not exactly even temper, I can be quite impatient, vindictive and the list goes on. But God works in mysterious ways. This time, i took the leap of faith and submitted my application.
Also, there is the online business that I am struggling to make it work out. I would really like to see it kick off..any small start is a great beginning. I need to find like-minded people, to share this dream and make it work out..for a better life style and a challenge I set for myself.
Thank You God for everything.
Concurrently, we will also try for a baby. As JFK said ~ leave it to God.
Counting my blessings everyday :)
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
17 September, 2010 - Life
I have forgotten how long ago it was that i enjoyed updating my blog so much that it has almost become an obsession. I have the habit of writing diaries...the old fashion way. Writing about my thoughts and all the happenings of whatever is going on in my life. So that when i am old and bored, i could sit back and reminiscence..and hopefully smile. That has been replaced with a blog but the writings have stop for almost two years...sigh
Too many things have happened these two years.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou.
I'm just a simple sinner,
Who received God's good grace.
** This blog entry is 4 years late...
Too many things have happened these two years.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou.
I'm just a simple sinner,
Who received God's good grace.
** This blog entry is 4 years late...
30 December, 2014 - Thankful thoughts
It's coming to the end of 2014 and I'm feeling pensive. My holiday started last Tuesday and it is really blissful not having to go to work. I love staying at home with Samuel and not having to go to work, stuck in a nine to five job. Sometimes when i read magazines of mothers who stay home to look after their kids, i wonder why don't I have the guts to do the same. Is it because i chased after monetary gains? Or because i just want to work? To be honest, i'm not confident that I can be a good stay-home-mum because i can't cook, am not good with housekeeping, not really great with kids as well. I think I'm beating up myself. Ouch.
Anyway, this has been a great year. Jervoise and Alisa got married on April 1, we went to Sydney and Gold Coast with mum and Jervis. And most of all, it is such a joy to watch Samuel grow up day by day, learning more and more :) Samuel has taught me how to play like no one is watching, how to laugh at simple, silly things, not fret the small stuffs and just enjoy each day as a blessing from God.
Samuel is indeed my biggest joy. He is so precious to us and we love him very much. Thank God for sending Samuel to us. Amen.
P.S. Samuel read this post and said I'm a good mummy :) but mummy also love me. (typed by Samuel) :)) i am a happy mummy.
Anyway, this has been a great year. Jervoise and Alisa got married on April 1, we went to Sydney and Gold Coast with mum and Jervis. And most of all, it is such a joy to watch Samuel grow up day by day, learning more and more :) Samuel has taught me how to play like no one is watching, how to laugh at simple, silly things, not fret the small stuffs and just enjoy each day as a blessing from God.
Samuel is indeed my biggest joy. He is so precious to us and we love him very much. Thank God for sending Samuel to us. Amen.
P.S. Samuel read this post and said I'm a good mummy :) but mummy also love me. (typed by Samuel) :)) i am a happy mummy.
Friday, February 15, 2013
14 February, 2013 - Valentine's Day
It's V-day today and i prepared dinner for the three of us. I actually enjoy cooking, the aroma of home cooked food filled the air in our living room and it makes our apartment so "homey".
This period has been a mixture of joy and sadness. I have been spending so much time at home with Samuel, it's sheer bliss. I love taking mrt and lrt rides with him. Samuel in his little blue boots, carrying his small McQueen bag scooting around in his sturdy little scooter bike. We would travel to Serangoon Nex to play at the playground, or go to Punggol Plaza to buy toys. We met up with Tenghui and Kaizer now and then too. I learnt a few cooking tips from her :) I feel really happy to be a SAHM (stay at home mum) even though i know it's only temporary..i had only a month to enjoy and the irony is that this leave from work is at the expense of losing Matthew.
It hit me today that i no longer feel pregnant.
I will start work next Monday and for some reasons, i dread it. Of cos i like the idea of getting paid a salary as it is almost impossible to keep up with our lifestyle as a single income family in Singapore. With our current dual income, we can afford to continue sending Samuel to this pricey childcare, go on holidays without dipping into our savings, dine at restaurants occasionally etc But i must stressed that we are not overly extravagant in our lifestyle. If i take up real estates or insurance, then the sky will be the limit in terms of earnings as compared to being a salaried employee. That could work..
As i think back on the past 4 weeks, i really am very happy to be at home. I feel so alive. Going out means dressing in shorts, a comfy cardigan and my favourite Havaianas slippers, armed with my mrt card. I am quite familiar with the train routes now. And taking the public transport (not during peak hours) can be therapeutic as i enjoy observing others. Observing people has been something i enjoy doing from since young.
I'm still a blessed girl.
This period has been a mixture of joy and sadness. I have been spending so much time at home with Samuel, it's sheer bliss. I love taking mrt and lrt rides with him. Samuel in his little blue boots, carrying his small McQueen bag scooting around in his sturdy little scooter bike. We would travel to Serangoon Nex to play at the playground, or go to Punggol Plaza to buy toys. We met up with Tenghui and Kaizer now and then too. I learnt a few cooking tips from her :) I feel really happy to be a SAHM (stay at home mum) even though i know it's only temporary..i had only a month to enjoy and the irony is that this leave from work is at the expense of losing Matthew.
It hit me today that i no longer feel pregnant.
I will start work next Monday and for some reasons, i dread it. Of cos i like the idea of getting paid a salary as it is almost impossible to keep up with our lifestyle as a single income family in Singapore. With our current dual income, we can afford to continue sending Samuel to this pricey childcare, go on holidays without dipping into our savings, dine at restaurants occasionally etc But i must stressed that we are not overly extravagant in our lifestyle. If i take up real estates or insurance, then the sky will be the limit in terms of earnings as compared to being a salaried employee. That could work..
As i think back on the past 4 weeks, i really am very happy to be at home. I feel so alive. Going out means dressing in shorts, a comfy cardigan and my favourite Havaianas slippers, armed with my mrt card. I am quite familiar with the train routes now. And taking the public transport (not during peak hours) can be therapeutic as i enjoy observing others. Observing people has been something i enjoy doing from since young.
I'm still a blessed girl.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
6 February, 2013 - Scan after D & C
I went back to the Dr Adrian's clinic on Monday for a follow up. This was traumatic for me cos when he scanned over my tummy, i can no longer see the water bag, the sac..much less any signs of baby Mathew. It was just me and my stomach on the screen. It seemed not longer ago that we saw the heartbeat flickering very quickly and surely on the same screen. I couldn't help tearing up in his clinic and asked if he was sure i could have another baby. Being a professional and very nice doctor, he said "of cos you can, don't worry"
Anyway, Jervoise was the one who sent Samuel and me to the clinic and we went to my mum's place after that. He brought Samuel out for a swim in the afternoon while i took a few peeks into some thrashy magazines by the pool.
Time will heal all pain, i find that it is now easier to talk about it then a week ago. But whenever i see pregnant women around me, i can't help feeling a tinge of pain in my heart.
This is morbid...I know at 9 weeks, it's a foetus, but it is also looking like a baby. The picture below shows the fetal development at 9 weeks.
When i think about Mr & Mrs Yap who lost their 2 sons (13 and 7 years old) in the freak accident last Monday, i cannot help thinking what i went through pales in comparison.
Indeed, we live in a fallen world, condemned by sin. And from the time of Adam and Eve, God has been benevolent to us. For He sent us his only begotten son, to redeem us. Meanwhile, while we are still living on earth, we have to, in the context of buddhism, go through 生，死，病，老. All of these cause us pain, one way or another.
I went back to the Dr Adrian's clinic on Monday for a follow up. This was traumatic for me cos when he scanned over my tummy, i can no longer see the water bag, the sac..much less any signs of baby Mathew. It was just me and my stomach on the screen. It seemed not longer ago that we saw the heartbeat flickering very quickly and surely on the same screen. I couldn't help tearing up in his clinic and asked if he was sure i could have another baby. Being a professional and very nice doctor, he said "of cos you can, don't worry"
Anyway, Jervoise was the one who sent Samuel and me to the clinic and we went to my mum's place after that. He brought Samuel out for a swim in the afternoon while i took a few peeks into some thrashy magazines by the pool.
Time will heal all pain, i find that it is now easier to talk about it then a week ago. But whenever i see pregnant women around me, i can't help feeling a tinge of pain in my heart.
This is morbid...I know at 9 weeks, it's a foetus, but it is also looking like a baby. The picture below shows the fetal development at 9 weeks.
When i think about Mr & Mrs Yap who lost their 2 sons (13 and 7 years old) in the freak accident last Monday, i cannot help thinking what i went through pales in comparison.
Indeed, we live in a fallen world, condemned by sin. And from the time of Adam and Eve, God has been benevolent to us. For He sent us his only begotten son, to redeem us. Meanwhile, while we are still living on earth, we have to, in the context of buddhism, go through 生，死，病，老. All of these cause us pain, one way or another.
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