I had an interesting conversation with Aising this evening..about babies. Both of us share the same apathetic feeling towards having babies, which was great because then i can share my thoughts.
Some couples go through a long and tiring process just to conceive. I know of someone who is in his late thirties, whose wife wanted a child so bad, they went through a whole series of tests, tests, test and more tests. Some couples go through the motion of having sex at a stipulated time (ovulation time) for the sake of conceiving. Sex, i feel, should be enjoyable, fun, experimental and kinky. Sorry i am not being coy here hahaha When sex is being perceived as a ticket to becoming parents...that, in my own opinion, is arrrggghhh i am at a "loss for words"...
A friend once said i would never understand the pain and disappointment of yet another unsuccessful "sex to conceive" time. He said that's because i have no strong desire to be a mother. I think he is right...
Children are an extension of oneself...and i must be selfish. I do not like the idea of having my life revolve around kids. Or having that kind of commitment be it emotional, financial or life style. I love kids, and i believe kids adore me as well...but i am rather emotionally detached from having my own kids. The idea freaked me out many years ago and it still does now. I am so tired of fielding off "when are you having kids?" that i have switched to auto reply mode "in two years time"...yah next to never. I must admit that my resolution of never having kids has somewhat been shaken over the past two years. Because i saw Kaizer, Edgar and many more babies. The biological clock that has never existed in me has somehow appeared subtlely. But i am struggling with it. The thought of a pregnant body somehow strikes fear in me...有人对我说过，生过孩子的女人才完整..is it true? But i know it's true that being pregnant once in a life time lower the risk of cyst and fibroids. If that's the case, that must be why i am being "punished" with a bloody fibroid hahaha
Anyway, i salute all mothers out there...because bringing a child to this world takes more than just courage and commitment..it changes one's life forever.
And when the right time comes, i might be a mummy in my own right :)
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