14 August, 2007 - Hala-ing nite at Tung Lok

Had a supplier meet up at Vivovity today...dinner was Tung Lok and gosh was the food good or what :) Everything was served in little portions and everything has such an expensive feel to it keke pity i don't eat prawns, sharks fin, scallops and sotongs. So i can only admire the good "food display" and eat the veggies, toufus and noodles..i am low maintenance haha they serve my favourite Shanghainese dish - salteed cucumber *yummy* i ate this for almost every meal when i was in Shanghai..so this dish brought back fond memories

Then we went to the second round of hala-ing at St. James Bellini's. Nice jazz pub for chilling out. For the first time..or rather for the longest time ever in my record, i ordered a Shirley Temple in a pub :)) Did not touch any alcohol and i like the feeling of sanity in a noisy place. Then for another "first time in my record", we left a pub at 10.30pm hahaha i think i am done with clubbing..or rather, almost quite done with clubbing. (er but of cos i will go if there is an occasion or cause keke)Am improving on the small talk bit i guess (thank God)...but i wish i know more about the "market" so that i can chip in on the business chats. Edwin sent Sean and me home keke so nice of him.. i think he must be doing "survey" when he asked me to take a lift in his car to and fro haha cos' he ask about my experiences bla bla bla and i think i will like working with him. Anyway whoever God sent me can't be that bad :)

I have been feeling so lost and uninspired over the past few days...then met up with Daryl yesterday for dinner and a little fellowship in Vivocity. Thank you Daryl for messaging me on Sunday morning just when i was feeling unsure and full of doubts about my Christian life. I have too many grey areas..that's why i am so flexible. According to Daryl, right and wrong is very clear cut..but to me, there is a maybe. To me, what's right and wrong is not clear cos' i think about different points of view. For example, if a man gets drunk and has a one night stand with someone he met at a bar, then i would like to think that the wife should forgive him...since it was adultery committed in drunken stupor. BUT actually it is wrong cos' why in the first place get drunk in a bar lei? Terrorists killing innocent civilians are obviously wrong, yet i still make concessions for them that they were taught from young, wrong values so...BUT the act of killing is wrong no matter what values were being taught. I feel that if a foetus is detected to be abnormal in a womb, the
correct thing is to abort it..cos' in my opinion, the child will suffer in this world. BUT it is wrong again!! Abortion is wrong no matter what the reason is. To me, gays, lesbians, transexuals are not exactly wrong cos' it's their choice in life and they can't help it if their sexuality is not "normal"....and i honestly do believe in the "i am a woman trapped in a man's body" reason BUT it's wrong wrong wrong AGAIN.

Arrrghhhhhhh either i am crazy or i haven't got my facts right. I am still holding on to worldly thoughts instead of thinking according to the bible. But it's so difficult to let go of how i think and reshape it cos' the logic right is right, wrong is wrong is way too rigid and i am a non conformist to the max...

I am only a mere mortal..how am i going to make it..and the more i read the bible, the more i feel scared. Scared cos' it seems i am a sinner and there are so many rules and ways to follow and it does not help that i absolutely detest rules...and the worst is i feel damn guilty for even having such thoughts about feeling horrified :( anyway i am not going to give up..He has shown me His grace and His love and there is no way i am quitting on Him.

Proverbs 1:7
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

I saw this verse this afternoon cos' Daryl said to read Proverbs. This verse seems to be telling me something..so much so that i even thought i am being chided for starting to have rebellious thoughts. I even wondered if Satan is lurking anywhere near me..especially now since it is 农历七月

Meanwhile, have to find some cell group and make sure i stay on the right track...cos' this time, i am determined not to backslide again and i really want to be stronger in bible knowledge...and go Cambodia asap..