Proverbs 16:26
The laborer's appetite works for him; his hunger drives him on.
(Gem's own interpretation: Perseverance when driven by passion)

Proverbs 17: 17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
(Gem's own interpretation: A friend in need is a friend indeed)

Proverbs 17: 22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a cushed spirit dries up the bones.
(Gem's own interpretation: Optimism is everything)

Proverbs 20: 25
It is a trap for a man to dedicate something rashly and only later to consider his wows.
(Gem's own interpretation: Hasty and rash decisions are not wise choices)

28 June, 2007 -Farewell lunch

Had farewll lunch for Patricia, Esther and Cindy at Fish & Co in Parkway Parade today. This time, i ordered New York fish & chips instead of that yucky coriander fish..dun like that smell one bit.

Here's Cindy and me


Partial PEMCO team :)


Everybody who went for lunch ;) (wah so small...)


Found out where KH will be joining haha he kept harping on the fact that my "antenna" has poor coverage...hmmm and he said i am too direct..

On the way back to the office..they discovered i am a little bit too blunt and such an idiot at times hmm

KH: God will open doors of opportunities for you if you pray and ask Him if it's the correct time.
Sarah: Huh, wah i oso want to join your church lei
Me: Hey i need to ask you something, is it true that those who dun believe in Him will go Hell even if they are good doers? And those who believe in Him will go heaven even if they are bad people?
KH: Errr mmm
Me: Mmmm as in wat? Go hell la is it?
KH: MMM
Me: Huh? Hell?
KH: *Exasperated and heming and hawing* aiyo, u ask me such a question in front of Sarah and Desmond, and they are non believers, so how can i say yes, they will go hell meh aiyo aiyo u ask me in private ma, then i tell u
Sarah: Oh we are ok wan, we dun mind hahaha
Me: Oops..i forgot it's sensitive geez..i am so sorry
Desmond: Aiyah, we are ok wan, nevermind
KH: It's good to be straight forward la but u must remember to see it's to who, dun next time say "KH tell me this, KH tell me that" lei
Me: *Pai Say* .......

Wah lau..too engrossed in my thoughts and living in my own world again..

27 June, 2007 - Why i occupy a place in cyberspace...

Hmmm my very dear fren post me a question this evening about how come i keep a blog if i have a diary...i gave an instant reply that i wanna be environmentally frenly so use less papers. Then i went home and think hard about why i want to occupy a space in cyber world. Got it, this blog is where i openly write about my thoughts and feelings to try to overcome my little fear to open up. It's like a small little baby step to be open about my thoughts..took me some guts since i am not prone to doing this just in case i suay seow meet KPOs. Like i said..i define my circle of carefully selected frens and classify them accordingly. The inner most circle are frens who balance me and noes what's going on in my life as well as my emotional health. The next circle are frens who knows what's going on in my life but don't click wif me mentally so forget about the emotional bit. Then there is the "meet once in a few months frens" circle, "call and say hi (but dun meet) once in awhile frens" circle, acquaintances circle and i would like to think the last circle is to put all the unclassified frens/people hahaha

This circle circle thing helps me to filter out lotsa "unwanted" people around me keke I noe u probably will not agree wif me..but jk, try la keke

Anyway..i started writting a blog only during the one week break that i have before starting my new job..cos i was bored keke but i am rather consistent in writting it..ahhhh interest lasted more than 3 months liao means quite safe, will last hahaha

Love the food at Country Manna heehee, next time we order the roasted chicken and share share haha yummy

26 June, 2007 - Ms Social Butterfly wannabe in Dragonfly

I feel so proud of myself today..like i have a little accomplishment by my own set standard..the director and my manager had a little meet up session wif me, he promised that i will get my Q2 incentives even though i am in the probabtion period...though i noe it's not going to be alot since the sales figures for Q2 were bad..but best of all, he promised to give me '100% meet the budget' for Q3 even though Q3 is going to be bad because "the team has good opinion of you and you are doing well.." :)) it's really like a little pat on my shoulder for all the efforts and time i invested here. Wah i feel so heady and happy the whole day after that even though i have this strange feeling that he might be saying it for the sake of saying it but nevermind la, wun die to hear nice stuff heehee

Had meeting the whole day and then dinner wif our suppliers at a Japanese restaurant in St. James. Half the dishes were beef and i ate only chicken and mushrooms keke The meat are served raw and we bbq them over a little stove fired by charcoal..best part is we don't smell stinky after dinner surprisingly.

Proceeded to Dragonfly (again..) for drinks. HS Loo (Penang), Tiyaporn (Thailand), Raymond (Philippines), Shirley, Sarah, KH and me finished a bottle of hard liquer..maybe it's the heavy dinner but i am amazed that after my 7th cup of drinks, i can still stay alert and PR..KH kept asking me to bottoms up wif the guys.. "hey build relationships wif these people, they are going to be very helpful in your work and career" yak yak yak buay tahan, sibeh ali...i feel like a Ms Butterfly flitting around in Dragonfly. But then again, KH is right, it's important to have that personal touch in all relationships. During dinner cum entertainment tonight, i suddenly feel "alive" and excited. It's like i found my PR switch..i remembered why i like regional marketing..because i get to meet people from with different work culture and basically, i think i still prefer to work wif men..or women who have just a little wee bit more male hormones than the typical women typically the guniang types. (oh must emphasize that i cannot stand insecure people feeding of others by making them feel lousy) I might have found a balance to PR without being "fake", can still hala hala and be straight forward..so essentially that's not considered fake haha talking cock again

Happy day..momentarily forgot about "so many people leaving" episode..then got reminded again cos i had to sign on 3 farewell cards put in a paper bag. First time in my career i am signing 3 farewell cards TOGETHER..and i ended up writting the same wishes for all 3 cards...how uninspiring..

PS. If there is ever an emotional thermometer, i think mine will show very sharp cyclic chain. Up and down very fast before i can spell "wait"

25 June, 2007 - Emotional Cat dropped wif a Predicted Bombshell

Today, KH finally officially told us he has tendered. Though he has hinted to us a lot of times, he confirmed it today and i cannot help feeling sad. I noe he is moving on to something closer to his heart...regional marketing so i wish him all the best..and will treasure having him around til July 19th..Anyway lunch was full of talks about resignation and boobs!!?? Duh,the guys are talking about who has the biggest boobs around the office and go around in half cups...then the conversation falls onto me..and they mentioned that i am busty as well. I protested that i am blessed in that area but i dun walk around in half cups wat *indignant* so i noe now that busty gals always get bio-ed at...even in the office hmmm

Everything happens for reason..i am glad to have come here and got to noe all these people. God must have planned it for me to be here, to learn to control my emotions and to re-learn how to communicate at all levels. I meet all sorts of people here and while everyone has some strange working habbits, they are all very nice people. I feel very at home here, loving the culture, the people and the environment. The only downside is the very heavy workload. But deep in my heart, i noe that if the pace is slow and work is very little, i will never be able to learn and grow...and i will get bored and then i will wonder about other places to be at keke KH nagged at me today for being too emotional again..but he also said that as long as we are being ourselves, we'll be happy. So i really thank Him that although i am affected by people leaving, i really still find it exciting to go to work everyday and i am still happy. Just pray for strength and faith :)

Jervis will be back this Friday yippee yay mum is so happy she can't stop harping on it hmmm if it's either me or Jervoise who went away for awhile, i bet she will think "good riddance" :p

24 June, 2007 - OVERSLEPT FOR CHURCH!!

Feel so bad today..i overslept and i was too late to attend service with Mark and gang...i ended up going to church with my mum and gang. But it was just as well cos i noe most of the songs in this church since i attended Sunday school here :) Auntie Molly said my bag is nice and i seem to have become more beautiful keke so sweet of her. It's really a blessing that i have grown to love my relatives' company as i grow older. I enjoy talking to them and just having lunch together makes me smile. Guess the rebellious stage is over, it's now quality time. Family is, and will always be, an important part of my life. Used to be frens everything but my paradigm has shifted...now i choose quality frens over quantity frens..and i am highly selective of the frens i make or keep now..my intuition towards people has been honed til quite good to filter in people i should keep in my life heehee

I wana pray for forgiveness that i overslept :( I slept late yesterday cos we had a very unsuccessful bbq. The charcoal couldn't burn and there were so much food! In the end, we had to carry the oven and deep fryer over to the pit and cook our food using technology. Drats, i feel so tired after everything..and so much cleaning up to do. Tonnes of cleaning to be done now.. Not going to be doing this anytime in the near future..except perhaps when all my aunties and uncles are coming over to have fun :)

My dearest fren, you are very right, i am an extremist. I seldom waiver in my thinking but i am not stubborn..i am very open to ideas and also because i think anything is possible...to me, there are simply too much grey areas in life. Yet i find it hard to balance myself not to be so extreme. Maybe cos i am a very passionate person..to family, frens and issues. If i feel passionately about something or someone, i feel a whole lot of different types of emotions...and i go my way out. When i cool off, i can really go cold fast and become very indifferent. Cold means not being able to evoke any emotions in me anymore...i really should learn to balance my emotions..which is why i say i am too emotional. I have a short attention span but that 三分钟热度 is really a burning passionate 3 minutes keke bad bad but really trying hard to manage it..

22 June, 2007 - Kushinbo

Had a "meet everyone" conference at 11am today..then i realised that there are so many people in my company. The culture here is really so open and typically American style. Just say what's on your mind and we even have to sign a "know our company values and mutual respect" form haha interesting.

Wendy, my "staircase" fren sms me this afternoon to ask me add her in my MSN contact list. She finally applied for an account keke she is my staircase fren cos i got to know her by the staircase in my previous company. I get my coffee from the vending machine near the staircase and have it there every morning...standing by a corner smelling great in my perfume. Most mornings, we smile at each other and one fine morning, she asked me wat perfume am i using and we exchange names, numbers and the rest is history keke like tat oso can make frens :) chemistry decides whether we gel or not heehee

Had yet another dinner celebration with my colleagues cos our marketing team has won the best team award. We've got US$1,200 as price money :) and we treated ourselves to Kushinbo (watever). It's buffet style and there were many types of sushi to choose from..pity nothing raw can go into my mouth..i ate the cucumber sushi, fried chicken and fried vegetables..and practically stuff myself wif all the nice and cute looking Japanese pastries + a piece of sinful cheesecake heehee felt so darn full from all the desserts instead of proper food...couldn't drink sake cos i am sick :( sick for almost a week now...this evening..they discovered that i can be quite a klutz at times sigh

Klutzy & ditzy rhymes haha

21 June, 2007 - Counting my blessings

I think i am slowly and steadily learning how to draw the line clearly and saying no to pushovers..the kinds who push the job to me muahahaha seems like being too courteous and gentle get bullied. So i decided to try it another way..by being damn firm and direct to the 2 sales person who was grumbling and telling me how i should help them to do what they were supposed to do cos they are busy. F**k it man, then i damn free meh?? I blurt out to Miss A "this is your job and i am not going to do it." and to Miss "B" "I dun care how you are going to do it, just get it done cos it's your job. I dun mind hear you grumble but after the grumbling, go get it done cos there is no way i am going to do it for you" Seems nothing amazing but it is amazing coming from me. Funny thing is, Sarah still thinks i need to be louder and fiercer..wah lau..spoil image lei..try..I am pretty lucky here cos i did not encounter any insecure women who tries to control me emotionally..meaning emotional threat. Almost everyone is confident and comfortable with themselves keke Sarah allows me to do things my way and i get enough space to be independant. I am stressed but at least i am happy (at least til now)...just sad about people leaving. And it helps that Sarah is someone very honest and real. Counting my blessings :)

Today, i really dun mind being queer..i think it's ok to have mood swings and feel whatever i wana feel. So it's really ok to be emotional..though part of me is trying to convince myself that i should curb it. My dear fren is rite..it's better to just be then pretending to be damn cold. So I am not going to listen to KH and control my temperaments. Thank you JK/Danny/Kenny hahaha for keeping my balance where it should be. (i really love your company cos you always seem so magically "in the know") Should not have been bothered by this in the first place, temperory forgot...my resolution for this year is just be me, myself and I.

Sometimes, really can't help feeling that there are so many tasks to be done, so many steps to take all for one dream. Sometimes i side track when i feel tired and then restlessness sets in...and then it's a vicious cycle. Heng i am super positive and i am a firm believer of "what goes down will always and eventually goes up". Otherwise i might already be depending on anti-depressant pills.

In retrospect, everything happens for a reason. There is a time and tide for everything to happen..just like what paster said. There is a reason for me to be wherever i might be in life and meet whoever i have to meet, and learn something. Experiences are what make me to be who i am...so i hope i will not be so affected by seeing people leave here and stay on to discover new things..unless there is a new calling. FAITH.......i need faith in Him.

20 June, 2007 - Emotional Social butterfly

No matter how hard i try not to be emotional, i am still just as emotional darn it...always so easily affected by things and people around me. I have this strong feeling that KH will leave and the sickening thing is, we have already developed a 默契 working relationship. Then i start to feel sulky the whole day and no mood to even bother to look friendly..but i still try..by piling up on the mascara.

So i am getting better at PR-ing but i dun really enjoy doing it...especially in the morning..when i am quite "stoney"

My colleague: Have you taken your breakfast?
Me: Yup, you're going to have only a banana for breakfast?
My colleague: Oh no, i've got an apple too. I dun normally eat fruits so whenever my mum buys fruits, i'll just bring them to work.
Me: :) so healthy hor
My colleague: I've got constipation, severe constipation especially when i am going to have my menses so eating them helps hee
Me: (oh dear..what am i supposed to say man???) Really?? Oh i have constipation too, you should try Ducolex, can get them from the pharmacy, really helps...i count on them when i feel terrible.
My colleague: Is it? Mmm but maybe cos i am used to being bloated so i just leave it, u noe i can go for days without visiting the toilet especially when i am travelling. My frens can visit the toilet once in the morning and once at nite but i can just go without :D
Me: (.....???? wah jialat liao..say wat??)Wah, then you should really eat more fruits lo, cos i noe how it feels to be bloated, hate it.
My colluague: Oh but when my menses are here, i get diarrhoea hmmhmm
Me: Wah, one shot all come hor (duh)
My colleague: Ya lo, my ex say i store "it" all in my cheeks hahaha cos if i gain weight, it really shows on my cheeks
Me: hahaha (effort)
phone rings... :)) mind can no need to race liao..go get kopi

All i wana do was get back to work..cos i really find this damn funny..fruits and constipation hmmmmm but i must applaud myself for looking really interested and getting all the expressions right..cos i dunwan to look rude.

*i like her alot, just that aiyo i'm rather malfuction without coffee in the morning..engine cannot start..

Changes may seem inherent but in fact nothing has change as long as our heart remains the same. I will be happier to talk cock when i feel like it and just heck it and be emotional. Maybe He has plans to have lead me here, to learn whatever skills needed to do something in future. I need faith to keep going. Sean, last day next Friday, told me today that we are His sheeps and He is the shepherd who decides where to place us. Glad to have met KH, Sarah, Sean and Wilson...Sigh...

Anyway, heng i can just swtich on/off and move forward. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

Contents on the 1st page of my little black book...

Bohemian - unconventional, one who leads an unsettled life

Unconventional - one who does not observe customs of society

Unique - being only one of its kind

Independent - not subject to others; free; self-reliant; valid in itself

Individuality - distinctive character or personality

Individualism - principle of asserting one's independence

Free - able to act at will, not under compulsion or restraint, not restricted or affected by

Happy - glad, content, right attitude

17 June, 2007 - ANTM, Caridee won

I think i am sick..i feel feverish and tired..and weak..attended church wif mum, auntie Eugenia, Elysia, uncle Charlie and anutie Molly this morning cos Jervoise is away in KL for a church camp. I wish i went wif him..i really need some time away from everything. Prayed for some directions and peace today...by some chance of luck Elysia is interested in what i told her and she wana start my dream together. I wonder if it's His sign to me..am keeping my fingers crossed cos anything can happen. Mummy is really serious about Him, she finished reading the old testament :)

I miss partying hard suddenly..or rather i miss dancing..miss losing myself to the music on the dance floor...MISS IT..maybe i should not curb my urge..whatever my urges are..

Really, really need a magical space to hide and think..and find myself..pity i cannot hide in the arts museum..i feel that i might be losing abit of myself and my sanity..i need fresh air and empty spaces..doesn't help that i am not feeling well now. I really love freedom and space. Anyone out there who who is a deep thinker, as quirky, as crappy, as strange and as nonsensical...is there anyone out there who understands???

Shallow parting note, i am glad Caridee won America's Next Top Model ;)

16 June, 2007 - Magical Space

Had dinner wif frens at Vivocity and went to Dragonfly for drinks last night. We spent half an hour queuing before we could get in...it was so packed inside that there wasn't any more tables so more standing for us :( Xana was smitten wif William Scorpion...think he is quite "lao Yan" lo...handsome features and well maintained for his age..and powerful, creamy voice. I think he has got nice eyes..
Girlfren is lonely..and probably drinking is her source of release for all the pent up frustrations, misery and anger. How can you be frens wif your husband's ex lover? She realised the importance of having frens..cannot and should not let your life revolves around your spouse and kids only. Anyway, someone bought us drinks..said our "thanks", finished em' and left :P

Woke up wif a little hangover today and remembered why i dislike getting wasted and having to pop panadols shucks...Discovered plenty of quaint shop houses in Arab street and i love it! So many little shops hidden in rows after rows of shophouses...which means so many knick-knacks to uncover :D Instead of buying beads and wires, Lynn and me ended up shopping for clothes hmmm bought a vintage hairband (no idea when and how am i going to use it tho), a faded mini denim skirt, 2 cheonging ear rings and a gold navel stud..really like the 2 colours gold and red...it's like an acquired taste..replacing blue and purple..ended our shopping spree wif a manicure and i got my nails painted in pink! (How exciting *yawn*) Really wonder why did i choose pink..so very unlike of me to do that..

Did so many silly things to cheer up and i dun think it's working. Tried calling Meng but the number is not valid anymore. Wah lau really wish i can find some place to hibernate and disappear for awhile. Magical space...i guess that's the space we all need when we want our private moments either alone or wif someone who knows best. Scully it's just me and one of my idiosyncrasies again.
Magical space..magical space..magical space..magical space..magical space..magical space..magical space..where is it now hmmm where where where

14 June, 2007 - Crappy Mood

i finally found my little black book (it's really a little black colour notebook bought from the now defunct Emporium) of Maine's thoughts that i started keeping since 25 June 1992...when i was a 15 year old teenager. My last entry, PT. 151, was dated 15 June 1999. As i read through what i have written, i discovered myself all over again..seems like i have not changed much. Just as queer, as emotional, as dreamy, as crappy as can be and bla bla..

Some of my entries...
25 June 1992:
PT.4 - I cannot explain myself, I'm not sure how exactly my mind works. Complicated.

PT. 32 - I hope to share my life with God and live by the Bible. Happiness is within my reach if i believe in Him. (i have strayed for so long and i am touched that His love persues me unrelentlessly..)

PT. 38 - Freedom is something i value a lot but yet too much of it could be disastrous. As long as i'am surrounded by people, i can never be totally free.

20 March 1993:
PT. 56 - Get rid of fear by doing what i want to do and finding that i can handle it.

2 September 1993:
Life is harsh because the world is what people mould it into. People are chasing after one same dream basically. And chasing that dream becomes a hard reality because the world becomes the society that we all lived in and society is ruled by mankind's own standard way of living. How horrible, but that's what life is all about. (Seriously speaking, i wonder what was i thinking about when i wrote this..)

3 September 1993:
PT. 72 - It's funny when you see people around you changed and you find that you can't have the same kind of relationship with them anymore. Actually, it hurts and pains me but all i can say is nothing is eternal.

PT. 74 - Sometimes i wonder if it's possible to live life without depending on others in any way. But the answer seems to be NO. Because that's what the world is mainly made up of - People.

18 September 1993:
PT. 81 - I find that everybody has a good side and bad side of them. And people are more than willing to harp on your bad side than your good side.

12 October 1994:
PT. 83 - I hate hypocrites! ( i still passionately do + selfish people)

PT. 94 - Much as i hate the action of making use of others, i found out that in reality, everybody is doing that. I hope i won't turn out that way.

*Maybe i am a loner who doesn't like being one! Weird (really wonder what was i thinking at 17)

24 November 1994:
PT. 101 - In a sense we need to be able to live without something in order to have it - that is to become emotionally unattached.

12 December 1994:
*Sometimes i wonder how many people think so much like me. My best friends don't seem to be wondering about life. They simply live it. Lucky for me, i know i am normal cos' Meng thinks about such stuff too. I do think i'm a bit "boh liao" but sigh, that's just me. (pity i lost Meng's contact when he moved away...)

25 December 1994:
PT. 124 - A time to remember, Jesus died on the cross for our sins. A time to give and take, forgive and let live.

29 December 1996:
PT. 145 - It's going to be a new year soon. Each time an old year is going, i would feel very sad. It's like it's gone forever and becoming nothing but memories. I really love the months of October, November and December. (i still do...)

19 March 1999:
PT. 149 - I think i have become more hardened in my character. But i had better be careful because harden stuff can be brittle. I might break down easily too. But i guess there's still a part of me that lives in fantasy, to live unrealistically.

And from my last entry til now..it has been almost 8 years..so many things have happened during these 8 years and i have become stonger but still dreamy...i would like to imagine that i have retained some of that childlike quality in me...stronger but not hardened, dreamy but more practical. The only thing that bothers me is about being too emotional. I am still easily affected by people around me...just like PT. 38.

I feel moody today cos' i realised that 9 persons are quitting and 4 are from the marketing team. I know it's really none of my business but i cannot help it but feel sad. I remind myself that it's common for staff movement in such a big company and considering the number of people working here, 9 persons leaving is no big deal. Though i knew that these things happen in an MNC especially so for the top few distys here, I AM still affected. But my consolation is, they are leaving for better opportunities and these opportunities are gained from working here...more exposure, more networking, more business relationships = more opportunities. My "satelite" is so small..i need to widen the coverage area..i really need to force myself to be more talkative and build more relationships..i should not live in my own world as and when i want to when i work. I NEED A YAK-YAK mode permanently switch on from 9 to 6, Mondays to Fridays keke since i am being brain washed into "building relationships so that things work out easier bla bla bla.."

Moody also because of some other stuff...darn it..so many things happened today..and i took the train aimlessly after having dinner with Yvonne and Justine. They are really nice and funny haha been such a long time i went out wif new frens and felt comfortable about making small talks...there were a few awkward silence but i talk rubbish to kill it..practice makes perfect :)

10 June, 2007 - Good bye antiques

As i was listening to the pastor preached today, i thought of my Bak Bak sistas. Haven't been catching as often cos of the word "busy" but when our Godson is born, we will be very busy showering him wif all our loves :) Yan, we will do what we used to do...hang out at some tavern and you can have your fair bit of beer keke you can really drink all you want to make up for abstaining from alcohol during the whole term of your pregnancy ;)

Went to see an acupuncturist wif Jervoise today cos he has injured his shoulder. The lady asked to feel my pulse on my wrist and on my ankle...then she came up wif a description of me...i am amazed..not sure if she is just psychic or what..

1) Impatient
2) Active, Energetic, Playful
3) Over active brain
4) Very warm bones (??)
4) 身体寒冷
5) 象小孩，容易哄
6) Small womb and narrow hips = 会有难参
7) 有点自闭症 (???)
8) Fast and smart
9) Might get osteoporosis
10)Back problems
11)Throat problems

Seriously speaking, i wonder how can she just come up wif these just by feeling my pulse and looking at me. Then she proceeded to say i must have been a very queer child cos i did not like playing wif other kids when i was young (cannot remember liao anyway) And she said i change my mind and thinking very fast, too fast for others to catch up wif...and others have 双重性格，but i have plenty!! Said i have many different types of characters in me and i will get lost because of this..cos i think too much and i am complicated...so because it is not easy for anyone to understand me, i look for people who are like me so that they can understand and know me. (i've really got to agree on this point..cos when i find someone whom i can really connect wif, it's for keeps and i will treasure the relationship...) She is darn good lo, i am impressed but i am also freaked out by her. She reminds me of a tarrot card reader that i went to a few months ago. Intense and dark looking eyes..funny how i always feel uncomfortable about such eyes but yet i am drawn to them as well keke anyway, i am not going back there wif Jervoise...at least not in the near future...no time to get sussed and suss a total stranger now.

Mummy bought an L-shaped fabric sofa made in Belgium for our new place. And some guys came to pick up our antiques, a whole set of oriental pieces, to be sent away to my Dad's uncle. I watched them wrapped the chairs and tables in layers after layers of protector and i felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness. These furniture has been wif us for many, many years..think from since i was a little girl. And i remembered that mummy would make me polish them wif a can of nice smelling lemon spray for wood when i was in my teens. Today as i watched them being carried out of our door, i realised that i have actually grown quite fond of these antiques...tho me and my brothers have never really learnt to appreciate their beauty and since the "Nua" factor is zero, we seldom spend time in our living room.

人就是这样，拥有的时候不会珍惜，矢去了才觉得可惜。。。




Anyway, i realised that i should not get too attached to anything or anyone...the secret of happiness in life is to enjoy everything and attach yourself to nothing.

ESTHER - Winning even when you are uncertain about your purpose.

Today's sermons in church:

God has a Plan & a Purpose for you.
1) See God's Place for you
2) Seize God's Purpose in your life.
a) You must act to seize God's Purpose
b) You must be willing to pay the price

Esther had not wanted to be Queen but God has a purpose for her to be royalty so that she can save her own people, the Jews.

This is so inspiring, knowing that God has Plans for each and everyone of us. We just need to trust in Him as he do miracles in our lives.

8 June, 2007 - Obsession wif lil' fat cats

Saw a dead cat in the middle of the road this morning..its face was bloodied beyond recognition and the internal parts were all out of its lifeless body... such a terrible scene and a sad end to life...death..pain..dreadful words (i wonder if cats have souls) Shall ask Yee Gwee and Flora this Sunday..

Went to Bugis to buy another little fat cat, a lucky cat, to hang it on my handphone. Now i have 3 little cats hanging on my phone..i hope this little lucky cat brings luck to jk too :) I just feel the urge to buy them..as if to commemorate the unfortunate cat. Karen would be very late..caught in jam from causeway..so we din get to meet up and i won't be going JB tomorrow hmmm

Spent the rest of the evening at Uncle Thomas's place cos he has problems wif his internet connection so Haibiao went over to help him set up. I get to look at all the pictures that grandma has kept. My mum was hot when she was young lo woohoo short sexy minis wif a waistline of 24inches and big, bright and expresive eyes. Stylish hairdo and great make up. Jervoise has got my mum's eyes, intense, long lashes and big keke Jervis, well, he just looks like himself heehee

I MISS JERVIS!!!!!!! Count down, he's gonna be back soon, yay!

Prayer - God will lead me to my life work

Almighty and everlasting God, Thou art the Creator of the whole world. Every blade of grass is counted and every drop of water is known to Thee. Every pebble on the beach has its place in Thy glorious Plan.

And I know and feel that every moment of my life is provided for and planned by Thee in that way, dear Father. I know Thou wilt provide for me and guide me to the place where i can serve Thee best.

O, Father, I do thank Thee for the work which Thou hast given me. And before I ask for other work, truly I shall try to do it well. But sometimes I feel that I have talents which I have not used. Sometimes I feel I could do other kinds of work which would serve Thee more and my dear ones better.

Help me to find that work if it be part of Thy Plan, dear Father. Teach me to have faith in Thee and to know, once I know what my right work is, to be afraid of no one in going after it. For knowing that Thou art with me, how can anything but good come to me?

Give me faith, dear Father. Help me to know that no work is so large or so small that I cannot glorify Thee in it. This thought upholds me, my Father, and truly I feel that I can face the world in seeking my right work with courage and hope and confidence!

Amen

7 June, 2007 - Small industry

Met Lynn for dinner at Tampines today and discuss our plans...she really makes me laugh :D always so child-like and gentle..typical teochew ah nia..really can't tell her age keke anyway she will be coming for the interview tomorrow at 10am. Be going to have breakfast wif her, Rick and CP tomorrow morning hmmm things happen so fast this week...Cindy decides to leave on Monday (i was sad), Rick asks Lynn if she wana try working here and she is here for interview on Friday (i am excited). Such a small industry where everyone noes somebody from somewhere...if all goes well, we will be colleagues again haha

Took a cab to Tampines and chatted wif the driver. He keeps a little notebook to record the place where he picks his passengers, the passenger's destination, time to and fro, date and the profits earned from the trip. Told me this is how he can anaylse and go wait at a place where there will be alot of people waiting for cabs. ZEH MO IDEA lei!! Creative thinking can be applied in all jobs ;) He brakes suddenly so often that i felt sick and giddy when i alighted...but i felt almost well instantly when he said take care and bye in the most cheery tone..service wif a smile, we need more of such happy people around :)

Went home after dinner and helped Jervoise massage his sprained back... he is really big size now aiyo... no plans to diet yet wor...anyway i dua him cos i decided not to go JB wif him and his frens on Saturday heehee why huh..why jervoise and me is bui jeng and jervis is san jeng :(

I realised that i can get quite emotional sometimes...until the rational side of me kicks in, i can really be so emotional i do whatever my heart says...typical characteristic of a blood type B? Anyway, i am going to indulge in some "follow my heart" time this week...and most of next week...

6 June, 2007 - Gem is eccentric and BORED

Today is 六月六号..nice date but busy day. Juggled 3 BOMs and by the time i am done wif one finally, i realised my brows were furrowed. At this rate i'm going i will have wrinkles pretty fast...so i shall wear my glasses tomorrow so that i will not frown so much.

Will ask Lynn to send her resume to HR so that she can come join me since she is bored wif what she is doing, oh great haha

Someone said i am eccentric..going to ask him why when i have a chance..i thought quirky sounds nicer...eccentric sounds like 'ding-dong'..like my mum always say me is 十三点. I did a "brave" thing today...brave but shallow thing la..i went to work sans make up..no mascara, no lip gloss, no powder..BARE FACE. i think i need some sunshine on my face and so tata but i realised that it's quite a bad idea...cos i dun look polished enough and because i had no mascara on, i have a tendency to rub my eyes...and even after 3 cups of coffee, i still felt sleepy.

Build relationship..kena this again today, sometimes i really wonder if this sentence is being overused here. Build..Building...voila BUILT! Maybe i should just list down the people that i must have a good relationship wif and then tag them wif "Build/Building/Built"..and strike out one by one depending on the stage i am in wif them hahaha rubbish. I shall do it my way keke using sincerity and...aiya my way

5 June, 2007 - Achieva Alumni gathering

Cindy has decided to quit after 2 months into the job...we chatted during lunch and she shared wif me that she couldn't and didn't wana cope wif the stress in such a fast paced environment anymore...i feel sad and affected cos i kinda like her and we have became fast frens :( but anyway i wish her all the best...and Pat is leaving too sigh...but she found a job in a different industry so there hmmm i am actually getting used to the fast paced environment here and i think i am doing fine, learning fast and working independantly but i realised i am bored awwwwwwwh and knowing Cindy's decision only serves to emphasize to myself that i am BORED!! My PM said if i can survive here, i can survive anywhere, and i like this sentence because it sounds challenging. I am just bothered and affected when i heard they wana leave...so maybe it's not tat i am bored..just getting emotional...talking crap again

Had a mini gathering wif Jeremy, Melissa, Andrew and Bernard at Upper Thomson today :) sat and chat (hey it rhymes..corny pok) over white wine and sky juice. Simple, meaningful chat (coined Achieva alumni gathering by Andrew haha). I like it. Andrew, the joker, is so darn good at doing all these animated actions making us laugh..Tip of the day from him is "Women just want men to listen when they talk, not offer unneccessary opinions" think i saw that line in a book before... Not sure if tat works for me..i think i might just prefer an exchange of opinions and thoughts to balance things..tat's why i think intelligent men are attractive. Like either intelligent in the IQ or EQ section. Anyway, my guess about Andrew was right keke, he is smart wif a soul...in touch wif himself and the world. Just that sometimes "he chooses to be very the PR lo" haha i guess it's the 社交mask. Just like the artist, Zeng Fan Zhi, said that he feels that the relationship between people was pretentious, especially when he was in Beijing where he knew no one and had to force himself to socialise to fit in. To him, that was wearing a mask.

Here's a pic of his work - Mask Series No. 6



The introspective art of Zeng Fanzhi
"Sometimes I paint with two hands. Sometimes I use two brushes, sometimes four," explained the artist. "With this new technique, I create and yet I destroy. One of the brushes is creating, while the other three have nothing to do with me. I like such creation which happens by chance. Sometime I will loose control over the image, but after you loose control you look at what you have and you try to get it back again."

I like this artist. Pity the showcase of his works in the Singapore Arts museum has ended...

Too late to go home to Bedok by the time we left that place...anyway Jervoise is asleep.

4 June, 2007 - Blurz

Met an ex colleague from my first job in church yesterday. Chin Wai Kin, the sales manager. He is still working there but travelling to JB to and fro everyday...as usual..bad memory wif names, i forgot his when i went up to say hi but he remembered mine...damn pai say :p anyway heard from him that my ex supervisor passed away from cancer because he suffered a relapse and he chose not to go for anymore treatments. Cancer is such a scary disease that seems to eat into your body slowly and steadily. Shucks making me sad.

Jervis called me this afternoon (lalalalalalala happy), he is in Florence happily shopping haha heard he went to Pisa and is visiting more arts places ahhhh envious keke i miss him miss him miss him...going to give him a big and really tight HUGZ when he is back yippee yay

I am damn blur today..wore my new skirt (which i thought would give me a great bum but did not..the mirror in the shop was kidding me) wif the price tag still attached. Wah lau, realised it only when i tucked in my shirt..drats and double drats man!

Meanwhile, looking forward to join in the fun in the Great Singapore Sale :D

This week's message from pastor is:-

1) Dare to stand out in a crowd.
2) Dare to do something for the first time.
3) Determine to look at the rainbow.

Hebrews 11: 7
By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that comes by faith.

Psalm 51: 17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Mummy went to church wif Auntie Eugenia, Elysia, Auntie Molly and Uncle Charlie this week, i pray that God will continue to touch her heart. Next will be dad and Jervis..the typical atheist.

1 June, 2007 - Rojak this week

I haven't touched my laptop for almost a week and it feels like forever...i miss my little sanctuary to pen my thoughts..

Went to Dragonfly wif Jervoise and his frens on Wednesday nite and i actually fell asleep half way thru'...i must be damn shag to have fallen asleep wif the loud music blaring in the background, when he woke me up, i forgot where was i..i can really sleep anywhere lo..we stood almost the whole nite until we bought a bottle of Hennessy and got a sofa seat...it was good for me..can burn off calories from Teppanyaki (hey bro, i really really love it..think i am addicted to it), cheesecake (my love) and pizza ;p Anyway, when we left St. James at about 4am+, there was still a LONG queue, imagine queuing to get into a club at 4 in the morning! Wah lau, die hard Dragonfly fans...the queue to Powerhouse was WORST, i couldn't even see the end of the queue...Jervoise said it's packed cos the next day is a public holiday.....by the time i sent everyone home, it was about 6 in the morning...and i was late for my appointment wif my hairdresser at 11am cos i overslept :(
P.S, i did not drink and drive keke i was only drinking cola, THE MIXER muahahaha

Finally stepped foot on Cafe del Mar in Sentosa on Thursday ;) looks pretty cool and kinda like Phuket...gotta get in shape, put on my bikini and moonbathe there haha this is a place "to see and be seen" hmmm can see so many zeh mo ang amohs
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Gosh do i feel good in my new hairdo, i love the curls and the new highlights and i feel fresher too keke first day of the month, new hairdo = great start
Met up wif a long distance fren whom i haven't been in contact wif for a long time and it feels strange to see him this evening..i think he has grown fatter (他问我他有没有变，我很坦白说他好象肥了heehee), must be the power of love. Had to keep the conversation going cos his new girlfren is so quiet and i felt like Miss Chatterbox just to prevent 冷场. That's the thing wif such meetings...silence is not golden but awkward. Worst is if such meetings consist of quiet folks, like what happened today. Drats, it does not help that they offer no topics for conversation and my brain cannot rest trying to think of general topics to talk about. (Does not help that i dislike small talk) This would not have happened if i am wif frens i can connect well wif...we would be so comfortable wif each other's presence that no exchange of words is required all the time. Gosh, must remind myself not to waste time going to such gatherings...unless of cos they are good conversationalist or if i get to make new frens keke