30 October, 2007 - Cell

I am sitting in the living room in Bedok Reservoir now, blogging and feeling sad. We are going to shift to the new place in Kembangan soon and i kinda miss here already. So many years of memories, so many birthdays spent here. It's time to say good bye now :(

Today is the first time i am attending cell group. Got there by 8.30pm at Serangoon and there i was, feeling tired, hungry, sleepy and reading out John something. 11 of us today...sat around and sang 2 hyms, read some verses about loving your Christian brothers and sisters. Some of them were praying in tongues and as usual, freak me out. All i wanted to do was to get out asap so that i can go home and get dinner, bathe and sleep. I don't like it one bit. Perhaps it's too fast to decide if i do enjoy it since it's only a 2 hours session...but i really just don't feel comfortable. Somehow, i feel that sitting around with 10 strangers trying to pour our hearts out at our first meeting is too much for me to handle...and it seems so hypocritical to do so. And i am shy (minus the painfully now) at times. Anyway...to really pour your heart out to strangers is a really bad idea...at least that's what i think for now.

Part of me was fighting to enjoy this care and connect session as much as possible and the other part of me just wanted to go home haiz...For a split second, i thought to myself that if being Christian means i have to be really prim and proper and give up all partying forever, i will become bored faster than you can spell bored. STRUGGLES...why can't i love Him in my own ways? I really find it tough to pray aloud in big groups. I always felt prayers are between you and God. Relationship should be kept private...

I sent Jervoise a sms to tell him that no matter what happens in his life, i will always love him. Really feel saddened that he is getting obsessed with WOW and distancing himself from us. And lagi best when he brought home a girl late last night who sounds like she is from China. I like like screaming at him for not coming home last night. Anyway it's now 2am and i am still wide awake waiting for him to come home...

He is home finally and it's 3am now...and that was just a fling??? Maybe i should relax and just let him be. He is old enough and i should just stop being so anal retentive about everything.

BAD MOOD